Winter Solstice

Today is officially the darkest day of the year, where I live. That gives something to look forward to, it getting brighter and lighter. Today wasn’t too bad, all things considered. It was only partly cloudy, and the sun came out in late afternoon, so I could enjoy it a little. When it’s dark cloudy or rainy, it would take until about 9 am for the sun to come up over one building, and it would seem to “set” behind the other building by 3:30pm. Still, I’ve noticed being a bit more sluggish this past week especially. I tried to redeem one of my yearly free counseling visits through work, and ask them for ideas more successfully coping with reduced sunlight. But the provider refused to work with me since I did not have at least 5 hours of neuro-psych testing to prove what is wrong with me. Great. My insurance won't pay for that unless I have documented proof there is something substantilly wrong with me in the first place. Like, that traditional treatment isn't working, so you need testing to figure out what the heck . . . It's expensive, and they don't pay for everyone to have it done for fun. They don't even pay for everyone who has autism or learning disabilities or mental illness. You've gotta be in worse shape than that. So I’m back to reading my 700 page book and others. Guess healthcare is more self-serve these days. Figure out what’s wrong and fix it yourself.

An acquaintance jokingly commented maybe it’s the adult version of being afraid of the dark. Did I already mention we’re not allowed to plug in things at our desk unless they are usb powered? That’s been a fun challenge. And yes, people sneak around, but eventually the maintenance people come around and start giving orders . . . Last year they chewed me out for having a small SAD LED light at my desk that was previously approved by HR and a doctor’s note. But they were adamant I remove it immediately.

I think that’s why the idea of hygge appeals to me. That’s the first one I heard about, anyway. I ‘ve heard other countries and cultures have their equivalent. Lagom, maybe? Making things cozy and happy lighting in the otherwise dark bleak winter months. I still haven’t mastered that yet. I have some extra holiday-ish lights in my bedroom year-round, and the overhead light on a dimmer switch. I already love salt lamps, and have heard they are good for this. Yet I can’t put my finger on why the work holiday setup in the hall bugs me. It seems like they’re going for the same effect, but it seems dreary to me. They turned off all the hall and overhead lighting and only left the tree and holiday lights. If this were outdoors, it would make sense. But there is so much dead space between the decorations and lights, it looks more bleak and tired to me. When the lights were on last week, the whole setup looked very festive and bright. Now I’d be afraid to trip over something, especially if my eyes haven’t adjusted enough yet. Maybe that kind of low lighting works in a restaurant or bar after work, but when you’re trying to work; I don’t know; it was odd.

Anyway, if anyone knows of online hygge classes, or ambient lighting, sign me up.

Scaling back

I stopped posting here a while ago even though I drafted some entries. It was pointed out to me that no one needs to see my self-centered drama. It would probably be better to focus on what good I could do vs. wah wah wah.

Suffice it to say, stuff happens, both good and bad. It would be more beneficial to focus on the good, and not take the perceived bad too seriously. No one makes it out of here alive, so why make more self-inflicted suffering than needed? Also time to reflect on things that add positive or negative energy, and how to maximize the positive and minimize the less helpful. This could be anything from home decorations, to who you include in your life. I need to be more choosey about the energy suckers in my sphere and minimizing those drafts.

Exiled to Outer Permanent Darkness

Well, HR officially said no to a reasonable solution to help me function better and be more productive at their company. Cost-free and permissable under a Federal Disability Act, but no, they won't play ball. They legally have no right to ask for diagnosis, yet they did, because vague statements of permanent neurological conditions, attested from my doctor, do not cut it. No, they even asked for medical records, which is completely illegal. tacky, and creepy. And they could use to fire me if they didn't like what they saw (who wants unhealthy people employed?). And even if they did approve, if they got my medical records (no way) they said it would only be temporary, as they do not believe in giving permanent accommodations unless a person is basically missing a limb. So even if they eventually said yes, every couple of months, they would jerk me back and forth, and say gee, we need more medical proof that your condition has not changed, and then hem and haw if they want to allow it a while longer. Jerking me back and forth is harder on my system. So I guess if they figured that out, maybe that's the point in wanting me to back down and just shut up. It was stupid to try, I guess. My specialist advised I drop it or they’ll just make life more miserable for me and possibly find other reasons to fire me. Also that they are discriminating and what the heck is their problem. Multiple professionals have commented they’re being unreasonable since I qualify for ADA reasonable accommodation. But try telling them that. Of course, the sad thing in backing down now it looks like they called my bluff and I was just being an idiot. But it’s getting to be redic. Let’s see how bad it gets in winter. I can’t wait. It only came up because I got a complaint from a manager walking by my open-faced semi-cube who said it was too bright. I have 3 regular lamps, 2 official light deificiency “therapy” lamps, and a couple assorted led displays (those are for fun). I just ordered another therapy lamp as it was on sale. Amazon does have a pair of “glasses” that shine light directly into your eyes instead of having a big lamp. The issue is, if I’m already using a therapy grade lamp all day (not just 15-60 minutes, like normal people), Idk that the glasses would work (aside from looking atrocious – most embarrassing thing since head-gear, I tell you. In the meantime the most “helpful” idea on the internet is that CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) cures light deprivation, and the king of CBT Dr. David Burns has two books that will cure anything. Found the 700+ page book used for a few bucks and would sarcastically say I “can’t wait” to dive in.

Distrust for online Reviews

I do not recommend shopping on Amazon.com, but I admit it can be an interesting website to gather information. Or I thought it used to be. Lots of reviews there, more than any other site I’ve seen. A friend and I once discussed the minimum number of reviews one should look for, for the data to be (hopefully) a rounded representation. But anymore, it appears reviews can be bought or censored, and that’s kind of sad. While looking for a desk light, I spent hours looking for features I wanted, and reviews for various brands and models. Even if I was only looking to spend $50, I didn’t want to have to try out 3 different ones to get the right one (or one that lasts) and therefore spend more like $150. Maybe I overthink things, but I also don’t want to throw money away by buying crap. I found reviews that were “updated” saying they never got their gift card for submitting a 5-star review. Hmm, sounds like that’s a good way to get false testimonials that won’t all be written in the same voice (less obviously fake). I attempted to submit a review on Amazon for the Arteza pens, and found they would not post it, but offered me a refund instead. While that’s more appropriate, it’s still sad if they’re attempting to buy my silence. Their note read “We hope that you give us another chance. If you would like a full refund: please reply 'Full refund'.” What, they want me to buy their pens again and hope for a better batch? No way. You want me to stop submitting unfavorable reviews simply stating the couple of pens that worked were gloppy? Or you just don’t want me to be miffed for refusing to post my review? It’s not like was an over-done angry post about a waste of money and horrible product. I noted that for coloring, the gloops may not be as noticeable as with writing. I said how much use I got out of the one pen that did work. I didn’t frame it as good or bad. I have to wonder how many others they have censored or trying to buy off to with-hold less favorable reviews. I know it’s stupid to “trust the internet” but I guess I’m a dope, not realizing sooner, that with all the opportunity for sharing information and knowledge, well, it’s all probably just loads of crap (or more so than I’d realized).

Darkness Drags on

I did the math, and can hardly believe it’s only been 12 weeks since I moved to my sun-less corner of the work world. It seems like it’s been dragging on forever. I made a doctor’s appointment to ask what the heck to do next. I’ve gained 20 pounds due in part to lack of energy and feeling generally crappy. I’ve tried exercising both walking and strength-training as much as I can stand (which isn’t much) and have no discernable difference even though they say oh, you need to exercise more, because that gives you energy. I have 3 LED lamps, one on each side, and one in the back corner, 40 watt equivalent or more. I don’t know the exact measurements of my desk, but it’s less than 6 feet wide for sure. All the light does is strain my eyes and give me headaches. The side lamps have 10 brightness settings, so I can turn them up and down gradually. I’ve tried turning them up and down, or leaving at one setting, and both ways suck. It kind of feels like it comes down to whether or not I deserve to not be miserable. The indirect feedback I’m getting is that no, I’m not worthy of that. What's wrong with this picture.

Pen Review: Arteza Glitter Gel Pens, 14 colors, 1.0 mm

Ahem. I think this is a sign I need to stop trying out different pen brands and simply stick with the ones that were the best. The plastic pen barrel has a cheap feeling like if you drop it from any height, it might shatter. Hopefully they would not, but they feel notably cheap in construction. 5 lines in, the green stopped working. Ka-poot. Nothing. Purchase was less than 1 month old. Good grief. I don’t have time for this. Did I mention the other brand (Color Technik) pack of 80, where you have to try several pens before achieving one that works more than a couple of lines? I guess this has made me impatient. My Arteza set “only” had 14 pen colors, of which I only really want to write with 8, and of those, the first I pick stops working that quickly. Is it so unusual to want almost new pens to work? Again, I’m seriously re-thinking how much I appreciate some of these others (some of which I have not reviewed yet).

So without beating the green pen to death, I moved on to the red. Guess what happened? 6 lines in, it died. I attempted to resuscitate. It wrote 2 more lines. This is a joke. Since I got them from Amazon, I know from experience if I return them, they will not refund my money (it usually gets lost somewhere, or they claim they credited my account, which they did not, but the refuse to admit they are capable of any type of error. The dark blue pen worked for two pages (6x9) and used about a third of the pen. The ink gloops here and there, but was nicely bright and sparkly.

Pink pen. Guess what? 5 1/2 lines in, dead. Black made it a whole 10 lines, then dead.

These were by far the worst pens I’ve tried so far. With the price about a dollar a pen, it would be nice if they at least worked for the most part. Since they were from Amazon.com, I know I can’t return them for a refund or exchange. Sure, they say you can, but in my experience, Amazon pretends to refund my money and I never get it, so I’ve stopped trying. I don’t think they’re known for their customer service. That’s what you get for cheaper prices.

Summer Solstice

It’s kind of a downer to feel so sapped of energy during the brightest, longest days of the year, due to working in a comparatively dark, sunlight-devoid office. I’m taking ridiculous amounts of vitamin d. Normal human vitamin d levels are 50, and my bloodwork showed 15, despite previously taking lower “normal” doses. All other tests came back normal. The only thing that changed was the office space. I’m about to ask for a second work lamp (maybe I need them in visual “stereo”). Right now at least I can get some light exposure on break or lunch. I’m guessing winter will be horrible with lower levels of light. Just kind of sucky that it’s really so nasty despite being the brightest time of the year. Just . . . unfortunate.

June 10 is National Ballpoint Pen Day

Ok, for serious smooth pen enthusiasts, ballpoints may no longer cut it, but it’s still kind of cool. June 10th marked the day the patent was obtained for the ballpoint pen. Some fun facts and history can be found at https://nationaltoday.com/national-ballpoint-pen-day/

For example, as I age, and my income doesn’t go up nearly as much as the cost of everything else, it’s interesting to note that some of the first ballpoint pens sold for $12 a pen in 1945. Although most ballpoints can be pretty inexpensive, some brands I will never be afford to try out can cost several hundred dollars or more.

Pen Review: Master’s Touch Premium Gel Pen Set

Got these from Hobby Lobby. I think this is their store brand. I tried the glitter and metallic pen sets. Both had 12 pens for $10, (unless there is a sale or coupon). Glitter set: I am not sure what is up with the need for so much yellow lately. I noticed ou of 12 colors, they had two different yellows. I saw another 10-color yet with two yellows, so I wonder if this is a current trend or demand. Whatever makes people happy. Bold smooth lines with lots of silvery sparkle. They seem good brand, when new, anyway. Pen body is narrow and the same size all the way down, in case you happen to like a sleek or uniform look. The caps don’t fit on tight and they tend to rattle when you write. Metallic set: These initially worked, but then a less than a month after purcahse, with only a couple of uses, they started skipping and reminding me of Color Technik. Sad. Not sure what it is about these things that make them cop out so quickly. Is it the brand quality? Do special inks like glitter and metallic tend to have more issues? I wonder if I should put dates on all my pens and note the "expiration" shelf life when they die without running out of ink. So far the glitter are still working, but it makes me wonder how long they will.

Preliminary Black pen-off

Some day I have to evaluate every single "plain" black or blue pen there is for smoothness to crown the ultimate writing pen. The other day I grabbed a few I thought might be fun to compare, to see what ranked better than others. I wrote a few short sentences, several words with each pen. I guess in theory I should write the exact same thing on the same piece of paper, that way there’s absolutely no variation in even the words chosen.

Here were my preliminary impressions:

Top picks included Sarasa bold 1.00mm blue-black retractable, and Pilot precise V7 Rt. Clicky top, not quite as bold, but very smooth. I believe I discovered both at Kinokuniya bookstore. Also right at the top was the uni-ball vision elite (yes, I admit it).

Still very close, but barely a step down were the uni-ball vision fine. Hmm, didn’t even realize that’s what it was until recording the results. Maybe it’s the barely less premium or pre-elite version. Also a runner up was the Pentel Energel metal tip 1.0.

Next best was the Pentel 24/7. The funny thing about this pen is it’s smooth most of the time, but occasionally feels like a squeaky marker on marker-board. Just for a moment, as if the ink is re-adjusting, and certainly not that often. Huge pen body, disposable, which kind of sucks. But a good solid writing pen. Also discovered at Kinokuniya.

Honorable mention goes to Bic gelocity. If not a pen connosouir (or wanna be) and not comparing to all these other pens, it’s a nice smooth pen with no complaints. Also comparable was the Uni-ball Signo 307.

It didn't occur to me until the following day that I didn't include the Pilot G2 or Uni-ball Signo 207. I wonder if subconsciously I didn't think they would be the very top pens anyway.

The more I think about it, The Uni-ball Vision Elite seems like a smaller point version of the Zebra Sarasa 1.00mm. The Sarasa 1.00mm has long been one of my favorites. Ironically the Sarasa .7mm is not nearly as smooth and usually not worth mentioning. See, all these pens that get smoother as they get bolder? On the ball-point front, the Uni-ball Jetstream 1.00 is like a finer point version of the Bic 1.6mm. (anything less than 1.6mm in Bic positively sucks). I have been using the Jetstream for notes at work, as I admit there are times when bold is just too bold.

Still Sucky Light

This last week’s lighting solution (I use that word lightly). I brought an additional 60 watt equivalent lamp that sit’s about a 16 inches away from me (tiny desks). It is ridiculously bright compared to the regular office lighting and gives me a headache, but I feel somewhat less lethargic with it on most of the time. Oh, for customized dimmer switches settings. I’ve tried putting a few sheets of paper propped up against it, but it doesn’t stay put well and I don’t want to tape it. Also put a folder in front of half of it for when the headache gets worse near the end of the day. Still allows the rest of the diffused light to bounce around the walls and better than being completely off. I’ve also ordered an arching over-desk lamp that has 3 light colors (warm, cool, in-between),and 10 brightness settings and supposedly maxes out around 75 watt equivalent. I’m hoping the latter, when it arrives, will be a little more tolerable to my fickle preferences. Also since it comes with a base or clamp, and I have a couple little shelves at my desk, I might be able to put it up higher to light up more of my desk; not just a little section. Fingers crossed it comes soon, and doesn’t cop out quickly.

Disqualified pen (no review, not getting more)

Pilot Precise V7 Stick Liquid Ink Rolling Ball Stick Pens (blue, 0.7mm).

I've used the Pilot liquid stick pens in the past without issue. Even back in the day when I used .5mm. I apreciated the precise tip and variety of colors (to use at boring jobs). But when I bring home a brand new one and it leaks all over, without any clear damage/reason, I'm going to avoid that pen. Maybe they're not as sturdy as other pens and did have a structure/damage point? It's not like you go looking in detail for what leaked where on a messy pen that just betrayed you. Perhaps it got banged around in my bag on the way home? I fished it out of my bag, set it down, and when I went to retrieve it hours later, it was completely empty. Do they need to be stored more carefully - like only end up or down, or only lay flat? If so, I'm still not a fan of higher maintanance/picky pens, especially if catostrophic failure is the result. Sorry, not gettin anywhere near these again if I can help it.

Natural Sunlight Deprivation

Feeling really crummy lately, and I’m pretty sure I know why, but I don’t know what to do about it. Not COVID. I think I’m solar-powered. The symptoms I feel are like one dealing with sunlight deprivation Stumped what to do about it since there’s very little light I can get during the long work day. I’m pretty light sensitive, I guess, but in a sort of the Goldilocks way, maybe. My skin is also phototoxic, so I can’t go outside for any length of time. I can’t even sit in the shade if there’s too much light reflection from surrounding buildings or whatever. Seriously. I have medication for this, and still have to be careful. Anyway, I can walk into any place and go yuck, this is too dim lighting, where no one else notices or cares. If I’m stuck at a job all day, I can’t stand it when it’s too dark. It saps the life energy out of me. Almost quite literally, unfortunately. Since I have sadly, multiple disabilities, my provider said hey, sunlight is good for depression (one of my many issues), and the Americans with Disabilities Act says workplaces have to try to help you out a little if you’re disabled. So there’s this “reasonable accommodation” thing where you can ask for stuff to make your job easier. More common things might be like modify workspace for wheelchairs, or even ergonomic things for people with arthritis. So several years ago, we asked for a work station near a window, and with my provider’s letter backing me up this was a real medical issue, I got it. Not to look out the window and see the pretty scenery, but to not feel like I’m half-zombie. For years, it was wonderful. Until two weeks ago, when the workplace decided I don’t really deserve a window seat anymore. I’m not a manager or supervisor, or have even been with the company that long, like the life-long folks. So I don’t deserve special treatment. I don’t even have a right to ask for a seat a row or two away from the window. They put me way in the back, because I have the lowest ranked position of anyone in the department. It probably wasn’t on purpose, but I also just happen to have a cubicle that doesn’t have the greatest lighting from the overhead light placement. I looked around enviously at so many other desks – even one in the back corner that had a ceiling light directly overhead, but no, now allowed to sit there either. Ok, well, we have different lighting now than when I was first hired. Sure, maybe I can tough it out, and it won’t be that bad. Nope, it’s bad. The first day, we didn’t move first thing in the morning, so I did get a good dose of light for at an hour or more, and probably only spent 6 hours or so in the new desk. I felt so sluggish that night it seemed like I could barely move. The perk is I get two days a week I can work from home, where I have power over my lighting, so I don’t have to work in the gloom every single day. But I swear, it’s still really bad. Maybe if I only had to be in that space for a couple hours, I could recover better. But 8 or more, just roll me onto a gurney . . . or into a shallow grave . . . I almost wouldn’t care. So this is completely my fault. I’m broken, and there’s obviously something wrong with me. I do try to go at least to a big window on my breaks or lunch . . . except that I really should be walking to get exercise instead. Now, Goldilocks can’t walk outside, even for 15 minutes, unless it’s very cloudy and not too bright (like it looks when its about to rain). There are long hallways I can walk inside, but they don’t go past many windows. So, it seems like I can either walk or get sunlight, but not really both. I taped white typing paper all over the inside walls of my cube, to reflect the most light. The desk surface is already white. We’re not supposed to have real plug-in lights, but usb is fine, so I got two 14 inch bars, one for each side. I also have two “happy lights” or “sad lights” whichever you prefer to call them. S.A.D. is for Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’ve left one or both lights on low all day (with doctor approval) and I still feel like crap. Maybe I need a third? After lengthy discussions with directors of HR and Facility Maintenance, I’ve been granted to plug in two devices. I’m guessing they wouldn’t find humor in considering a power-strip a single device. I already got a usb multiplier for all these other lights. So to recap two strong "happy lights, 2 14 inch LED bars 320 lumens, and two warm light display bases for the corners to give a little more ambient light. Contemplated using mirrors behind lights to reflect more, or getting a light more overhead shining down. I’ve been using a happy light for years, and I notice I need it longer each year as I’m aging. I’ve needed this in addition to the window seat during the shorter days. It used to be November-February, but now it’s more like September-April. So you see, I’m pretty light dependent. Or addicted? Whatever it is, I don’t know how to fix it. I take a multivitamin and taking obscene amounts of vitamin d, have upped the caffeine on those days, and I swear I feel like the energy just drains out of me until I’m exhausted at the end of the day. And that’s for days that I’m not flooded with work. Even a reasonable or slow day. I’m completely zapped. What do I do? My health provider ordered some labs to check thyroid, but I have to say the timing is pretty suspicious. They suggested sleep apnea. Ok, but really, only every other day? Like, I get up, I’m ok, and then I actually feel worse a couple hours into my work-day than when I first got up? And then it’s possible to feel mildly better after I’m home for a while? I don’t always feel completely great, because it feels like the life was zapped out of me for so long, it seems reasonable I can’t bounce back completely in a few minutes. But a couple hours later, sure, I feel noticeably better. It’s not just the who-hoo, I’m off work kind of spring in one’s step (I’m too old for that now – I only get that for a vacation). A couple hours after work I just feel normal tired, vs. the walking out of work I probably look like I’m drunk or half-dead, slumped over and unable to walk a straight line (because I don’t even care as long as I don’t plow into a wall).

General Pen Misconception and Uniball Vision Elite revisit

See, I do have reason to have been confused about the issue of different types of pens. I once got a pen I swear the packaging said “rollerball” and it felt like ballpoint, but very smooth, like the ones I’ve been mentioning. So silly me, I thought ok, maybe there’s some internal mechanism that makes something a “rollerball” vs any other pen. Then I saw a website profess that the only difference between gel and rollerball pens are the type of ink they use. Recently I was looking up pens online to see if I could note the specific type I had, and I swear I saw something claiming to be a gell rollerball. Hmmm, I guess if the mechanisms are the same, in essence they almost all have balls that roll, aside from felt or nib pens. But otherwise, this is where my confusion comes from. Yes, I guess you shouldn’t trust everything you see online. I didn’t think of what purpose pen stores have to purposely deceive so I didn’t question them until somewhat recently. I saw the reference claiming rollerballs were considerably smoother than gel pens, and I thought I was using mainly gel pens, and they were pretty decent, so I thought man, I’ve gotta try rollerballs if they’re even better. Suffice it to say I do have a couple rollers that I didn’t realize were such, and some gels that seem comparable to the uni-ball Vision Elite I tried recently, so that is why I wasn’t blown away by it. (also have to start writing their name correctly: lowercase uni-ball with a hyphen.) I ended up exchanging the uni-ball Vision Elite blue black (ha!) color I refer to as “Little Boy Blue-Gray,” for plain black, and it is much more palatable and helped me have a fresh perspective. It really isn’t a bad little pen. I just didn’t think it was leaps and bounds above pens I already had. And the blue-gray one I had took several lines to “break in” and get the edgy crustiness off, so the initial impression, in addition to the laughable color, was “what the??” This is the best, smoothest pen in the world? I did like it enough to even consider exchanging for black, and it is a good little pen. I will have to get out a bunch of black pens for a pen-off to compare side by side, sometime.

Pen Review: Schneider slider

Schneider slider. Come on, isn’t that at least a fun pen to say? Another ballpoint that deserves positive mention on my list. Speaking of “lists” I did come up with a total number of working pens and refills (separately) in my possession, but I’m not sure it’s anything to brag about. And my pen population is still very fluid. I have about 4 that are almost dead, and while that’s no excuse, I did pick up 6 at the bookstore when I attended my husband’s recent graduation out of town. They were pens I could test out first, and the Schneiders just aren’t available in person where I live. So I’ve had a couple in the past, but took the opportunity to pick up a couple more on this occasion. Schneiders are another ballpoint pen that are relatively smooth, and excel especially on cheaper paper, as far as I’m concerned. I think I recall seeing a claim that they last a long time, too. Perhaps by the nature of ballpoint ink, maybe they all last relatively longer than gel and other liquid inks. I may need to read up on that.

Pen Review: Bic 1.6mm ballpoints

I generally agree gel or liquid pens are superior in smoothness to ball-points, but there are some exceptions that I find quite tolerable. Perhaps this is also where I subliminally get the idea that wider/bolder tips are smoother. In ballpoint world, bolder is generally smoother. I’m not sure if it’s the bigger the writing area, the more lubrication and it flows better or what. But I believe this is also true of at least some gel or other writing tools. All things being equal, the 7s seem smoother to me than the 5s. (or .5, or V5, whatever the brand description). I’m not sure how I stumbled upon all of these; probably back to school sales that I didn’t think I could resist. Then the irony, sometimes what seem like lower-class pens, in combination with cheap paper provided at work feels really decently smooth. Like two cheapos complement each other. I don’t necessarily love all ballpoints on my “regular” thicker, and sometimes subtly textured journal writing paper. But if you have to write occasionally at work with crappy paper, some ball-points are ok with me. Not any ballpoint, mind you. The first surprise pick is Bic Cristal Xtra Bold 1.6 mm. Yes, I know these numbers are not all equal, and I don’t have an exact key to interpret what equals what. All I can tell you is that ballpoint takes a higher number to equate thick/bold lines than other pens, in general. Without using any measuring equipment, I’d say 1.0 is maybe roughly like .7 in other items. So 1.6 sounds enormous, but it’s more like 1.0 at most. I cannot stand any other Bic Cristal sticks, no matter what they promise in the way of extra smooth, extra comfort, long-lasting or what-not. Nope, sorry, I think they all suck. Even the 1.0mm. And I realize the Bic sticks generally look extremely cheap. The up-side is they are less likely to be stolen from one’s desk at work. It was probably back-to-school time and I got a variety color pack, and it was surprisingly decent. It is also very similar to the Bic Velocity 1.6, and Bic Atlantis, 1.6 available in clicky-top, which cost a bit more. Same brand, and it seems to me like the main difference is the exterior pen casing/housing (what does one call those?). The Atlantis are overall thinner and have a minimal grip near the bottom. The Velocity are a thicker exterior pen overall, almost chunky, and a generously wider grip. Having arthritis, my personal preference is the Velocity. But I admit the Atlantis takes less room when traveling (especially with lots of pens) and may be attractive for those who like something that looks more sleek and professional. The Cristals look like you got off the grade-school bus. Oh well.

Pen Parody

The other morning I listened to Absolutely Mindy on Kids Place Live Radio. A kid was saying how glad he was to go back to regular school after several months of being home-schooled. Mindy was inspired and started to ad lib some altered lyrics to a certain Disney Princess song. “I want to be where the people are . . . “

I’m guessing that was my inspiration for thoughts popping into my head this after noon about the Color Technik pens. Like that huge box of crayons, it just looked so wonderful, and it felt like it just didn’t deliver, since I couldn’t readily use all of them. It seems like “Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my (pen) collection’s complete?” Now I feel like I need to complete the parody in full. “I’ve got yellows and purples a plenty. I’ve got neons and earth-tones galore. You want gold-tone? I’ve got twenty. But who cares . . . no big deal . . . I want more . . .

Ok, I don’t know if I have 20 gold pens. Probably. But you gett he idea. “What is a fountain (pen), and how long does ink take to dry? Anyone want to help with additional lyrics? My sister wrote a full length parody of the “Raven” poem by Edgar Allen Poe when she was in high school. It’s possible to do this. You just need a warped sense of humor and (possibly warped) commitment.

Pen Review: Color Technik Glitter 80 pack

This looked like another fun set to try. 80 individual colors, and refills were available sold separately at the time. It was like upgrading from the Crayola 8 colors to the infamous 64 colors, back in the day. I don’t see where one can purchase these pens (or refills) anymore, but I’m going to review them anyway. The first thing I did was take them all out and organize them by apparent color. I can’t stand it when they put them in all randomly. I want to see blues together, greens, purples, and so on. Who wants to hunt through the entire pack looking at brown next to yellow next to hot pink, silver, another shade of yellow . . . It was an impressive spread in four foldable panels. I am given to wonder if this was representative of the “average” glitter pen out there. Reviews, prices, and appearances seemed very similar to other larger sets available. The colors were pretty, when they worked. I don’t know the expected shelf-life of an average gel pen, or if glitter pens don’t last as long. I guess I’ve been spoiled with pens in general, so these disappointed me a bit. I was able to get a sample of each ink when I opened it (which I tucked in my book) but some of those pens never worked again. Ink got stuck or bubbled back into the top of the tube, and could not be coaxed back out. Maybe I do not know the best way to pen-whisper stubborn inks out, but I would also think that so many should have issues with rare use after 2-6 months shelf life. Had I used them constantly, they might have lasted 4 months based on the amount the ink went down after use. But if some start to dry out after 2 . . . It wasn’t that the entire set died, or all at once. But what is the point of having such a breath-taking array of colors to choose from when . . . you can’t really choose from all of them? I think the problem is a pen wouldn’t die all at once. It would sputter long enough to give one hope and be annoying. Sputter, skip, start and sputter again . . .Then 8 minutes and 5 pens later, you finally find one that works sufficiently. You didn’t get to use your first pick, or your second . . . So for me it somewhat of defeated the purpose of having all that variety to pick your ideal color. In retrospect I should have started the pen hospital/infirmary sooner. Those pens that skip annoyingly but don’t seem quite out of hope, so I’d put them back, only to be disappointed another day. This is when the Color-It pens started to look much better. And I have yet to see any other organizational system with that many colors that labels the barrels for consistent refills. (What you put in the pen IS the same color, not an iffy refill that you’re not sure about, ends up being slightly off, and you keep reaching for the wrong pen barrel color out of habit). On a good note, at least I got a ton of pen casings (housings? what does one call them?) Similar to Color-It, the pens seem to fit a variety of other gel color refills out there. If tempted to try other refills (cheaper than the pens, and less waste) at least I have a huge resource of pens to put them in. Color-It and Color Technik were the two main larger pen sets I got. I don’t have that much money to spend on multiple sets that run $10-40 dollars each. That adds up. I based my purchase on skimming reviews and overall ratings, and enlarging photos of the pen selection to ensure there were enough I would actually want to use (no point getting a set of 50 when you only really want to use 12). Based on the prices and reviews of a lot of the glitter pen packages out there, I didn’t think I’d strike magic anywhere else.

Pen Review: Color-It Glitter 48/96 pack (48 pens, 48 refills)

Pen reviews will be in random order (or basically when I feel like re-visiting using a pen and wanting to write an evaluation on it). Today I re-visited Color-it Glitter gel pens, set of 48 pens (purchase also included a set of refills). I believe I tried this set in response to my favorite glitter gel pen discontinuing several colors. With that more limited color variety, I thought I’d better look for something else to fill that void. I primarily use pens for writing, so I don’t need as vast a pallet as those who color. Since I write, I also tend to prefer the bulk of colors being dark enough to read easily. When I buy a rainbow color pack, I try to enlarge the picture and estimate how many of the colors I would prefer to write with, and take this into account before purchasing. At the time I got this, I considered it ok, but not definitively my go-to gel glitter pen. With all the pens I have tried since, I would elevate this set to above average (there are some sad, sucky pens out there). The pens generally write thick (bold lines) and bright when they write. They can gloop a little now and then, but have relatively consistent quality. I guess I write a bit, and had been spoiled by my previous glitter gel pen, so these didn’t last quite as long as I’d hoped, but in retrospect, they do last longer than the average cheap glitter pen. And when purchased, all the pens actually worked. Advantages of this set: they are very organized. Each pen has a color name and number. The refills are numbered, so one can replace with identical ink. I didn’t realize how handy this was until trying other sets. Yes, you can buy refills, but you might be eye-balling it when replacing, and when the pen cap is a different color than the ink, and the ink appears differently in the barrel than on paper . . . You might be guessing, and then constantly grab a color you didn’t want. I imagine this would be even more crucial for coloring. I have not seen any other pen sets that have this organizational system. One can also keep purchasing refills at a lower price, so that’s also a plus. Disadvantages: for some reason, Color-it doesn’t sell all their glitter pens in one set. What the??? I thought I was purchasing the whole set, as I saw other Color-it sets that were labeled containing regular, Neon or Metallic. Why on earth they chose to deprive me of a few glitter and put that pen in a different set is beyond me, and it was not worth it to me to buy the other set. I only discovered this after e-mailing the manufacturer to ask them to consider making a black glitter someday. They responded that they did, and a few more glitter colors that were in this other set. I don’t recall all the other glitters I was missing, and don’t know if all the different sets still exist. But as we mentioned with managing expectations, sometimes your point of view is what you are seeking, or willing to spend money on. Since it was not my desire to snap up every Color-it pen on the market, it irked me a little that a few extra glitters were hidden in this other set that I didn’t really want to buy on the whole. So for my personal preference, this had a few more lights and yellows compared to other sets (I noticed since I don’t use as much) and no black glitter. Yes, you can really see the glitter in black, and I happen to like it. It was one of the ones they discontinued from my previous manufacturer, so I noticed and was mildly disappointed.

Pen Count Started

The great pen gathering has begun. I am counting refills separately. I am not including sourvineeer or novelty pens unless they work and I would use them to write (not just used for decoration, eye candy). I am not including pens I demoted and bequeathed to my spouse. I am not counting markers, highlighters, or pencils. I am not including pens in my "infirmary" where they don't work well but I haven't given up on them yet. I will include pens I personally own and brought to work because I don't like company provided and my standards are too high. I have personal work pens at both my home and office work stations.

Guesses, anyone? (Rift?) My spouse and I have cast our estimates.

The biggest challenge will be to simply count and not re-organize as I go (otherwise this will take forever, and if I change my mind what sub-storage to put them in the count count be off).

Intervention plans? Do Anon groups apply to pens? I already read an article that said anyone who favors Diet Coke is clearly an addict. Sadly, I did not protest. The question is how many addictions do I have. Which brings up a whole different mess of questions not to be addressed here at this time (if one attempts to reign in one addiction, how do you not displace the addictive tendancy elsewhere?).

Pen Expectations

I’ve decided it’s a lot about expectation for the pens. Had someone simply given me those pens for free, and said hey, see what you think of them, I still could have written an honest review, but I wouldn’t have been quite so cranky about it. I’d still say hmm, not really “blue black” in my opinion, but oh well. And I might focus on the idea that the felt-feeling pen is supposed to write from every angle and say, ok, if you’re in need of that, maybe that’s cool. Maybe I need to take out my other pens and see if they write upside-down and other odd angles. But the fact that I scoped and attempted to find a certain type of pen, allowed myself to be lured in, paid money, and was disappointed because it did not match what I was looking for and what it supposedly promised . . . that made a big difference in my attitude. I might see if I can exchange the "blue black" for plain black. It was mainly the color that was odd to me. I think it was pretty smooth otherwise. It's the blue equivalent of dusty rose. Again, expectations. It said "black ink infused with color." Had it said "pastels with a hint of gray" that would have set up a totally different expectation. I think I would call this pen flavor "little boy blue-gray." Well, if I do decide to do a pen inventory, I guess it’s more of a “head-count” versus “census” of my pens. A census implies more detailed information, such as color or type (glitter, metallic, gel, ballpoint, etc) and I don’t have that much devotion to such a project. I simply thought it would be interesting to see approximately how many pens and refills I have. I’m thinking I should count the refills since I have a few of those things like set of 30 pens and 30 refills (popular in glitter and coloring pens right now) and that would breath more time and life into one’s pen stash. Also need to count all the pens I have at work (I am so picky I use my own) and unused stashed in boxes. Might be interesting to see the approximate total (who knows how many pens are hiding that I won't find until later). My spouse said his guess would be about 200 pens. I could be way off, but I'm thinking closer to 500, and I would not be surprised if I had over 600. Aside from unopened refills, these would only be counting working keep-able pens. I think I do have a small stack somewhere that don't work that I haven't given up on yet, but I would be honest in keeping those invalid pens in a separate count.

Pens: Uniball Air

As unimpressed as I was with the Uniball Vision Elite, the Uniball Air was even worse. Again, right now I’m in the mood for something that writes very smooth and glides across the paper. While some people appreciate the nibs that have friction and scratch and make noise, that is not what I am looking for right now. This pen was like writing with a q-tip covered in dry moss. Idk. I wanted to say it was not smooth, as a q-tip dipped in ink would probably not be smooth, as it’s very fibrous, but then thought hmm, that’s not descriptive enough. Again, I’m not saying felt tips don’t have a place in the pen world at all, but that was not what I was looking for at this time. I currently like gel pens, and this stupid, stupid website made it sound like rollerballs were better than any gel pens, and that these two were the cream of the crop for affordable (under $25 a piece) rollerball pens.

If nothing else, the Uniball Air made me appreciate the Vision Elite much, much more. Now my chief annoyance is with the advertised color. They happened to have “blue black” which, in other brands, essentially means navy, and I thought I would like it. In Uniball-land, apparently “blue black” means medium blue-gray. Regular blue pens are darker than this blue. It’s like blue-gray storm clouds. Storm-cloud coloring can be pretty in its own right, but I was promised “blue black” and I hardly think it qualified. My preferred blue-black pen is Zebra Sarasa gel ink, .7 or 1.0 (I’m partial to bold lines right now). But in hindsight it was much smoother than the Air, so that’s something. But I do not have patience to pay money in order to test out what might be decent pens. Ha, if anything, I should go through my trove and write reviews of all the ones I already have. Figure out exactly what they are and why I like them. I thought I had a different kind or rollerball once that I didn’t hate . . . so I don’t know why these two disappointed me so much. I must find reliable info on different pen types and what makes a difference. Then maybe someday I can shop more reliably (as if I really need any more pens. I should take a census, I have that many).

Pen Quest

Someone at work was compiling a list of “favorite things” for occasions like birthdays, etc. I found myself noting under hobbies: Quest for the perfect pen. Ah, but is anything so simple? What is preferable to me is not preferable to others. In fact, I see a lot of trends towards very thin point pens, and I find myself preferring bolder, thicker lines. What is a person to do? We have two main office supply stores where I live, and they carry very similar items. If you’re lucky, they have something set out as a sampler to test and try out a pen before you buy. One can waste a lot of money buying pens because they get good reviews. It’s not as if everything on the internet is true (eye-roll). I’m starting to doubt how many reviews are legitimate out there anymore. I recently skimmed through an article about helpful items or gadgets . . . or whatever it was, I don’t recall. It was sad how almost every single “noted review” started “Love, love love this _____.” Could you get any more obvious that the reviews were fake? At least attempt to make an attempt to pretend they are by different people. So that has tainted my trust this week a little. The other incident that saddened me was trying the Uniball Vision Elite rollerball pen as I saw this write-up of it being the supreme affordable rollerball pen, also claiming rollerballs were highly superior to gel pens. Sadly, I took the bait. It was “only” $13 down the drain, to get a set of 4, but they were hardly worth 3 dollars a pen. Worlds like “tolerable” and “completely underwhelming” came to mind. And so we will try again. I miss those stores with columns or shelves of pens, that go on and on, and there is a tester of each. The last store I went to like this was the Kinokuniya Bookstore adjacent to Uwajimaya in Seattle, Washington. Aisles upon aisles of pens, with tester paper and one tester of almost every single pen available for purchase. Some $10+ pens may not have had testers, but I’d say 90% or more were available. I could easily spend an hour there, which isn’t a good idea, since a purchase of any size will only validate one hour of parking. But I digress. I realize I don't know much about different types of pens as I should, so I need to do some research and find out more about them, especially considering how many pens I have. And NOT believe stupid buttery reviews just because I can't seem to find a wealth of pen reviews outside of Amazon. They have to be out there somewhere. Just not at www.jetpens.com

Other Diseases that kinda Suck

Day 1 of steroids. Nasty stuff to squirt up your nose. What goes up, must always come back down the back of your throat and tastes awful. I heard they make flavored iodine for people to drink who live close to radiation spots. Why can’t the figure out a way to make nasal sprays that don’t taste quite so nasty? De-flavor them a bit and cover up whatever is left with grape, or cherry or whatever. Isn’t it more common than people who have to work around radiation? (not that I envy them.) I don’t want to know all the side effects (besides feeling like I’m starving all day). Don’t tell me it could damage my vision when I’ve already had 5 eye surgeries. I hate reading how corticosteroids are for people who’s bodies are broken and attack their own healthy cells. I haven’t even had to read it that often. Does anyone else tire of being told they are essentially defective and permanently diseased and have it start sounding like one is basically hopeless? I used to be prepared with the description that my immune system is confused, so it attacks what isn’t sick, and runs out of ammunition (and common sense) to attack actual illness. Who knows if that’s true; it’s just something I told myself that sounded good. Probably so I could stop reading whatever disheartening stuff I was at the time. I know I’m not in great health; that’s no shocker. But somehow it feels like I’m being told I’m a sub-class human who doesn’t have the potential to ever be well and that sucks at some point. Somehow it feels like it’s even more my fault, than things within my control, like not eating healthy or exercising enough. It feels like I am so wrong as a person, at a base identity, that I can never be good enough. Anyone else ever take it that personally with auto-immune issues?