Natural Sunlight Deprivation

Feeling really crummy lately, and I’m pretty sure I know why, but I don’t know what to do about it. Not COVID. I think I’m solar-powered. The symptoms I feel are like one dealing with sunlight deprivation Stumped what to do about it since there’s very little light I can get during the long work day. I’m pretty light sensitive, I guess, but in a sort of the Goldilocks way, maybe. My skin is also phototoxic, so I can’t go outside for any length of time. I can’t even sit in the shade if there’s too much light reflection from surrounding buildings or whatever. Seriously. I have medication for this, and still have to be careful. Anyway, I can walk into any place and go yuck, this is too dim lighting, where no one else notices or cares. If I’m stuck at a job all day, I can’t stand it when it’s too dark. It saps the life energy out of me. Almost quite literally, unfortunately. Since I have sadly, multiple disabilities, my provider said hey, sunlight is good for depression (one of my many issues), and the Americans with Disabilities Act says workplaces have to try to help you out a little if you’re disabled. So there’s this “reasonable accommodation” thing where you can ask for stuff to make your job easier. More common things might be like modify workspace for wheelchairs, or even ergonomic things for people with arthritis. So several years ago, we asked for a work station near a window, and with my provider’s letter backing me up this was a real medical issue, I got it. Not to look out the window and see the pretty scenery, but to not feel like I’m half-zombie. For years, it was wonderful. Until two weeks ago, when the workplace decided I don’t really deserve a window seat anymore. I’m not a manager or supervisor, or have even been with the company that long, like the life-long folks. So I don’t deserve special treatment. I don’t even have a right to ask for a seat a row or two away from the window. They put me way in the back, because I have the lowest ranked position of anyone in the department. It probably wasn’t on purpose, but I also just happen to have a cubicle that doesn’t have the greatest lighting from the overhead light placement. I looked around enviously at so many other desks – even one in the back corner that had a ceiling light directly overhead, but no, now allowed to sit there either. Ok, well, we have different lighting now than when I was first hired. Sure, maybe I can tough it out, and it won’t be that bad. Nope, it’s bad. The first day, we didn’t move first thing in the morning, so I did get a good dose of light for at an hour or more, and probably only spent 6 hours or so in the new desk. I felt so sluggish that night it seemed like I could barely move. The perk is I get two days a week I can work from home, where I have power over my lighting, so I don’t have to work in the gloom every single day. But I swear, it’s still really bad. Maybe if I only had to be in that space for a couple hours, I could recover better. But 8 or more, just roll me onto a gurney . . . or into a shallow grave . . . I almost wouldn’t care. So this is completely my fault. I’m broken, and there’s obviously something wrong with me. I do try to go at least to a big window on my breaks or lunch . . . except that I really should be walking to get exercise instead. Now, Goldilocks can’t walk outside, even for 15 minutes, unless it’s very cloudy and not too bright (like it looks when its about to rain). There are long hallways I can walk inside, but they don’t go past many windows. So, it seems like I can either walk or get sunlight, but not really both. I taped white typing paper all over the inside walls of my cube, to reflect the most light. The desk surface is already white. We’re not supposed to have real plug-in lights, but usb is fine, so I got two 14 inch bars, one for each side. I also have two “happy lights” or “sad lights” whichever you prefer to call them. S.A.D. is for Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’ve left one or both lights on low all day (with doctor approval) and I still feel like crap. Maybe I need a third? After lengthy discussions with directors of HR and Facility Maintenance, I’ve been granted to plug in two devices. I’m guessing they wouldn’t find humor in considering a power-strip a single device. I already got a usb multiplier for all these other lights. So to recap two strong "happy lights, 2 14 inch LED bars 320 lumens, and two warm light display bases for the corners to give a little more ambient light. Contemplated using mirrors behind lights to reflect more, or getting a light more overhead shining down. I’ve been using a happy light for years, and I notice I need it longer each year as I’m aging. I’ve needed this in addition to the window seat during the shorter days. It used to be November-February, but now it’s more like September-April. So you see, I’m pretty light dependent. Or addicted? Whatever it is, I don’t know how to fix it. I take a multivitamin and taking obscene amounts of vitamin d, have upped the caffeine on those days, and I swear I feel like the energy just drains out of me until I’m exhausted at the end of the day. And that’s for days that I’m not flooded with work. Even a reasonable or slow day. I’m completely zapped. What do I do? My health provider ordered some labs to check thyroid, but I have to say the timing is pretty suspicious. They suggested sleep apnea. Ok, but really, only every other day? Like, I get up, I’m ok, and then I actually feel worse a couple hours into my work-day than when I first got up? And then it’s possible to feel mildly better after I’m home for a while? I don’t always feel completely great, because it feels like the life was zapped out of me for so long, it seems reasonable I can’t bounce back completely in a few minutes. But a couple hours later, sure, I feel noticeably better. It’s not just the who-hoo, I’m off work kind of spring in one’s step (I’m too old for that now – I only get that for a vacation). A couple hours after work I just feel normal tired, vs. the walking out of work I probably look like I’m drunk or half-dead, slumped over and unable to walk a straight line (because I don’t even care as long as I don’t plow into a wall).

General Pen Misconception and Uniball Vision Elite revisit

See, I do have reason to have been confused about the issue of different types of pens. I once got a pen I swear the packaging said “rollerball” and it felt like ballpoint, but very smooth, like the ones I’ve been mentioning. So silly me, I thought ok, maybe there’s some internal mechanism that makes something a “rollerball” vs any other pen. Then I saw a website profess that the only difference between gel and rollerball pens are the type of ink they use. Recently I was looking up pens online to see if I could note the specific type I had, and I swear I saw something claiming to be a gell rollerball. Hmmm, I guess if the mechanisms are the same, in essence they almost all have balls that roll, aside from felt or nib pens. But otherwise, this is where my confusion comes from. Yes, I guess you shouldn’t trust everything you see online. I didn’t think of what purpose pen stores have to purposely deceive so I didn’t question them until somewhat recently. I saw the reference claiming rollerballs were considerably smoother than gel pens, and I thought I was using mainly gel pens, and they were pretty decent, so I thought man, I’ve gotta try rollerballs if they’re even better. Suffice it to say I do have a couple rollers that I didn’t realize were such, and some gels that seem comparable to the uni-ball Vision Elite I tried recently, so that is why I wasn’t blown away by it. (also have to start writing their name correctly: lowercase uni-ball with a hyphen.) I ended up exchanging the uni-ball Vision Elite blue black (ha!) color I refer to as “Little Boy Blue-Gray,” for plain black, and it is much more palatable and helped me have a fresh perspective. It really isn’t a bad little pen. I just didn’t think it was leaps and bounds above pens I already had. And the blue-gray one I had took several lines to “break in” and get the edgy crustiness off, so the initial impression, in addition to the laughable color, was “what the??” This is the best, smoothest pen in the world? I did like it enough to even consider exchanging for black, and it is a good little pen. I will have to get out a bunch of black pens for a pen-off to compare side by side, sometime.

Pen Review: Schneider slider

Schneider slider. Come on, isn’t that at least a fun pen to say? Another ballpoint that deserves positive mention on my list. Speaking of “lists” I did come up with a total number of working pens and refills (separately) in my possession, but I’m not sure it’s anything to brag about. And my pen population is still very fluid. I have about 4 that are almost dead, and while that’s no excuse, I did pick up 6 at the bookstore when I attended my husband’s recent graduation out of town. They were pens I could test out first, and the Schneiders just aren’t available in person where I live. So I’ve had a couple in the past, but took the opportunity to pick up a couple more on this occasion. Schneiders are another ballpoint pen that are relatively smooth, and excel especially on cheaper paper, as far as I’m concerned. I think I recall seeing a claim that they last a long time, too. Perhaps by the nature of ballpoint ink, maybe they all last relatively longer than gel and other liquid inks. I may need to read up on that.

Pen Review: Bic 1.6mm ballpoints

I generally agree gel or liquid pens are superior in smoothness to ball-points, but there are some exceptions that I find quite tolerable. Perhaps this is also where I subliminally get the idea that wider/bolder tips are smoother. In ballpoint world, bolder is generally smoother. I’m not sure if it’s the bigger the writing area, the more lubrication and it flows better or what. But I believe this is also true of at least some gel or other writing tools. All things being equal, the 7s seem smoother to me than the 5s. (or .5, or V5, whatever the brand description). I’m not sure how I stumbled upon all of these; probably back to school sales that I didn’t think I could resist. Then the irony, sometimes what seem like lower-class pens, in combination with cheap paper provided at work feels really decently smooth. Like two cheapos complement each other. I don’t necessarily love all ballpoints on my “regular” thicker, and sometimes subtly textured journal writing paper. But if you have to write occasionally at work with crappy paper, some ball-points are ok with me. Not any ballpoint, mind you. The first surprise pick is Bic Cristal Xtra Bold 1.6 mm. Yes, I know these numbers are not all equal, and I don’t have an exact key to interpret what equals what. All I can tell you is that ballpoint takes a higher number to equate thick/bold lines than other pens, in general. Without using any measuring equipment, I’d say 1.0 is maybe roughly like .7 in other items. So 1.6 sounds enormous, but it’s more like 1.0 at most. I cannot stand any other Bic Cristal sticks, no matter what they promise in the way of extra smooth, extra comfort, long-lasting or what-not. Nope, sorry, I think they all suck. Even the 1.0mm. And I realize the Bic sticks generally look extremely cheap. The up-side is they are less likely to be stolen from one’s desk at work. It was probably back-to-school time and I got a variety color pack, and it was surprisingly decent. It is also very similar to the Bic Velocity 1.6, and Bic Atlantis, 1.6 available in clicky-top, which cost a bit more. Same brand, and it seems to me like the main difference is the exterior pen casing/housing (what does one call those?). The Atlantis are overall thinner and have a minimal grip near the bottom. The Velocity are a thicker exterior pen overall, almost chunky, and a generously wider grip. Having arthritis, my personal preference is the Velocity. But I admit the Atlantis takes less room when traveling (especially with lots of pens) and may be attractive for those who like something that looks more sleek and professional. The Cristals look like you got off the grade-school bus. Oh well.