Coronavirus Commentary

Well, there’s no use denying the COVID-19/novel corona virus going around is causing a lot of stress, sadness, and uncertainty, at the very least. I won’t pretend I have anything novel or unique to say about it. Here’s what made me slightly unexpectedly sad about it today. I mean, obviously there’s the death, suffering, fear, isolation and deplorable conditions some people have experienced. So never mind that. Here’s my little nuance. With all the thrift stores closed, I can’t donate any items anymore. At least giving to a thrift store, there was a slight chance of the items getting new life. If someone wanted them, and the tiny sales amount benefited charity, yay. At least there was a chance it could help someone, or not completely go to waste. No choice now. I was forced to work from home starting today, which means we have to get rid of a lot of stuff from our old desk, primarily my husband’s territory. He said hey, I’ll do the Kondo thing and get rid of some of this junk. And a millisecond after my happiness that he wanted to try, I realized everything we get rid of will have to go straight to the trash. I’m not even sure if recycling places are open anymore, if anything qualified. My (idiotic) country doesn’t recycle plastic anymore, so that’s down-heartening enough. Waste here, ignorance there, pandemic everywhere. (sigh) It can get to a person after a while. Restaurants closed, food aisles baron, unable to visit family for fear that someone somewhere might have been remotely around someone seven degrees away from someone who had the virus. Really ready for this to be over with. And it’s not by a long shot.

Hitting Pause

Taking another break from sorting stuffies. My spouse has observed that it seems to be slowly killing me. I can’t completely disagree. I’ve gotten increasingly jealous of a 17 year old that is taking most of them. I guess I thought if they were spread out more, I wouldn’t mind as much. Or if it was a wide-eyed grateful 7 year old wanting to take a large portion. I have several nieces/nephews and grandniece/nephews, so we’ve been dropping off most of them at the grand/greatgrandparents house to allow everyone to take what they want. The 17 year old grandson lives there and takes first pick of everything and has accumulated well over half the collection for himself. At first I was ok sharing, but I guess it’s gotten to me that if I can’t keep all the good stuff, I’m jealous that he gets to have it all (and free, of course). I realize it’s very selfish and petty of me. The point is that I’m getting rid of things out of obligation, not out of any innate desire to part with them. And that part is slowly chipping away at me and makes me sad every time I part with things – because I don’t want to. Did I mention I would happily take a note from Marie Kondo to present to my landlord saying I can keep these things and it’s not “too much stuff?”

So I have paused at 32 bags sorted. Maybe I can switch gears to something else for a while. My husband has offered to entertain expensive shelving investments for me. He’s the greatest. That is also anti-Kondo. You’re not supposed to look at storage solutions before everything is sorted. And by the way, half the time she says everything is supposed to fit in one closet per person, including clothing, furniture, outdoor and hobby gear, and even something as large as a treadmill (if we still had one). No. I’m sorry, I am already a decided failure in that aspect. I guess that’s part of why I feel so bad. I feel like I’m failing in so many aspects: that I don’t want to get rid of things, that I selfishly want to keep things that I believe spark joy, that it’s getting into my dreams and creating nightmares, that I wasn’t doing this 24-7 in the first place and refusing to take a day or evening off. My husband mentioned liking a certain brand of stuffed animal yesterday and I told him I already got rid of all of them. I thought he was tired of giving input when these were mainly my obsession. So now I feel badly about that too. Hence I am taking an indefinite break. I can’t keep doing this without hating every single moment of it.

General Grumpiness

I think I’m ready to delve back into the stuffy sorting. Yes, there’s more. I’m not sure exactly how much, but I’m sure quite a big. Not sure how many of the bags have yarn, but plenty of those too.

I fully admit this is breaking Kondo’s rules of going through everything all at once. But I got to the point (again) where it felt like I was just getting rid of nice stuff because I feel like I have to. And that is not what she recommends. It’s all in perspective, I guess. Right now the room that is piling up with sorted stuffies is stressing me out because the pile keeps getting bigger and bigger, and I don’t know how to store it neatly so everyone (apartment management) is happy. If that were not even an issue, that same pile of stuffed animals really would simply spark joy But it’s not that simple.

Work has been very busy and stressful too, so with working the weekend and long hours, I haven’t had a lot of extra time to go through things.
I have a few skeins of yarn left at home (vs those bagged up in storage) and I don’t even want to use those. Again it’s about perspective. It used to be nice and relaxing. Encouraging to see how many I made and donated. But since this started, I tried using as much, and crocheting as much as I could stand starting in December and I am so sick of it. I’m sick of thinking how I’m not going fast enough and getting rid of enough, and it just turns the whole connotation sour. It’s not fair. I guess it’s my fault for allowing that stress to sink in so much. If I had different colors on hand, I could make a baby blanket for my niece, who is expecting a baby. I’m sure I have her preferred colors somewhere, but not readily on hand, and obviously I can’t go buy some for that. She has already been given ample stuffed animals, and I told her she may or may not get a blanket, or if she does, it might be well after the baby is born. And she’s ok with that. Maybe if I had a better project like that to work on, I wouldn’t feel so negatively. But I don’t think I’m ready to go through a dozen or so bags of yarn and organize them up ideally in order to find what I need for her.

It’s just unfortunate, because between this and work, I don’t have a very positive outlook right now, and it’s unpleasant. All that joy Marie Kondo promised would be achieved by sorting and purging is not . . . happening. And don’t get me started on the clothing folding. My clothes have started smelling musty when folded, even though they smell fine after they’ve been washed, and continue to smell fine when hung up in the closet (I admit that’s primarily because it’s easier). I don’t notice the mustiness right away, but then when I wear a shirt for a couple of hours, phew. Trying vinegar in the rinse cycle, but when not folding improves the situation, it’s hard to be motivated to fold, let alone fold her special way. Ugh. I probably need to re-read or listen to the books again.

Weighted/hefty stuffies

I have some weighted stuffed animals too. Back before they had weighted blankets, they had hefty stuffies. Some were even microwavable or softly scented for relaxation (I wasn’t big on the scented ones). But I recall seeing microwavable comfy critters with mild lavender even in the spa section of the supermarket. I haven’t tried the weighted blankets that are all the craze now, so I can’t compare. But the stuffies are reminiscent of having a pet sleep with you. I had a cat sleep on my chest for 14 years, and that’s a difficult comfort to replace. It’s not as if the hefty stuffies weigh 10 pounds, but they are a start. I actually contemplated getting a few pounds of rice in a bag and putting a soft blanket over it . . . but it was a pathetic attempt. If they get a hefty stuffy that also purrs with a realistic vibration, sign me up.