Thursday, April 25, 2024

1 Week until Surgery

Officially losing sleep and stressing. My stomach is also having issues, but that could be related to the prescription they gave me for the knee/leg swelling. The good news on that front is it seems to be helping. Only taking it a few days, so fingers crossed settles things down and helps long term.

I'm dismayed at the emotional eating I committed today. Granted, the food I ate was significantly more healthy than usual, but that’s still bad behavior. Reinforcing bad old habits. Surgery is going to make me not want to be very active and also mess with my metabolism, so I shouldn’t be screwing around. For all I know the “good” news is that I lost all this weight so I won’t be so far gone when a lot of it comes back. Not a very pleasant prospect.

One should forgive themselves and move on, but I feel stuck because idk how to manage stress better. You can say one incident isn’t the end of the world, but I would refer you to the lunch I had with my mother last fall. I swear it precipitated an avalanche of poor eating that cost me 15 pounds. I blame the situation and my lack of coping skills; not my mother.

On a humorous note, I thought ok, I have to drink a ton of water the day before surgery, and have to get up at 4 am to drink more and take pre-op meds. I thought hey, maybe it won’t be that harmful if I stay up half the night because I’ll be peeing anyway and then by morning I’ll be too exhausted to worry much more. The pre-op instructions say to have a good night’s sleep. No one’s perfect. Come on, people, you can ask, but you can’t have everything.

I normally acknowledge that meditation isn’t a skill that can effectively be crammed, like studying for exams. But at this point, I don’t see the harm in seeing how many meditations I can do for the next week. Why not. I've got a couple meditation apps and might as well get good use out of them.

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