Natural Sunlight Deprivation

Feeling really crummy lately, and I’m pretty sure I know why, but I don’t know what to do about it. Not COVID. I think I’m solar-powered. The symptoms I feel are like one dealing with sunlight deprivation Stumped what to do about it since there’s very little light I can get during the long work day. I’m pretty light sensitive, I guess, but in a sort of the Goldilocks way, maybe. My skin is also phototoxic, so I can’t go outside for any length of time. I can’t even sit in the shade if there’s too much light reflection from surrounding buildings or whatever. Seriously. I have medication for this, and still have to be careful. Anyway, I can walk into any place and go yuck, this is too dim lighting, where no one else notices or cares. If I’m stuck at a job all day, I can’t stand it when it’s too dark. It saps the life energy out of me. Almost quite literally, unfortunately. Since I have sadly, multiple disabilities, my provider said hey, sunlight is good for depression (one of my many issues), and the Americans with Disabilities Act says workplaces have to try to help you out a little if you’re disabled. So there’s this “reasonable accommodation” thing where you can ask for stuff to make your job easier. More common things might be like modify workspace for wheelchairs, or even ergonomic things for people with arthritis. So several years ago, we asked for a work station near a window, and with my provider’s letter backing me up this was a real medical issue, I got it. Not to look out the window and see the pretty scenery, but to not feel like I’m half-zombie. For years, it was wonderful. Until two weeks ago, when the workplace decided I don’t really deserve a window seat anymore. I’m not a manager or supervisor, or have even been with the company that long, like the life-long folks. So I don’t deserve special treatment. I don’t even have a right to ask for a seat a row or two away from the window. They put me way in the back, because I have the lowest ranked position of anyone in the department. It probably wasn’t on purpose, but I also just happen to have a cubicle that doesn’t have the greatest lighting from the overhead light placement. I looked around enviously at so many other desks – even one in the back corner that had a ceiling light directly overhead, but no, now allowed to sit there either. Ok, well, we have different lighting now than when I was first hired. Sure, maybe I can tough it out, and it won’t be that bad. Nope, it’s bad. The first day, we didn’t move first thing in the morning, so I did get a good dose of light for at an hour or more, and probably only spent 6 hours or so in the new desk. I felt so sluggish that night it seemed like I could barely move. The perk is I get two days a week I can work from home, where I have power over my lighting, so I don’t have to work in the gloom every single day. But I swear, it’s still really bad. Maybe if I only had to be in that space for a couple hours, I could recover better. But 8 or more, just roll me onto a gurney . . . or into a shallow grave . . . I almost wouldn’t care. So this is completely my fault. I’m broken, and there’s obviously something wrong with me. I do try to go at least to a big window on my breaks or lunch . . . except that I really should be walking to get exercise instead. Now, Goldilocks can’t walk outside, even for 15 minutes, unless it’s very cloudy and not too bright (like it looks when its about to rain). There are long hallways I can walk inside, but they don’t go past many windows. So, it seems like I can either walk or get sunlight, but not really both. I taped white typing paper all over the inside walls of my cube, to reflect the most light. The desk surface is already white. We’re not supposed to have real plug-in lights, but usb is fine, so I got two 14 inch bars, one for each side. I also have two “happy lights” or “sad lights” whichever you prefer to call them. S.A.D. is for Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’ve left one or both lights on low all day (with doctor approval) and I still feel like crap. Maybe I need a third? After lengthy discussions with directors of HR and Facility Maintenance, I’ve been granted to plug in two devices. I’m guessing they wouldn’t find humor in considering a power-strip a single device. I already got a usb multiplier for all these other lights. So to recap two strong "happy lights, 2 14 inch LED bars 320 lumens, and two warm light display bases for the corners to give a little more ambient light. Contemplated using mirrors behind lights to reflect more, or getting a light more overhead shining down. I’ve been using a happy light for years, and I notice I need it longer each year as I’m aging. I’ve needed this in addition to the window seat during the shorter days. It used to be November-February, but now it’s more like September-April. So you see, I’m pretty light dependent. Or addicted? Whatever it is, I don’t know how to fix it. I take a multivitamin and taking obscene amounts of vitamin d, have upped the caffeine on those days, and I swear I feel like the energy just drains out of me until I’m exhausted at the end of the day. And that’s for days that I’m not flooded with work. Even a reasonable or slow day. I’m completely zapped. What do I do? My health provider ordered some labs to check thyroid, but I have to say the timing is pretty suspicious. They suggested sleep apnea. Ok, but really, only every other day? Like, I get up, I’m ok, and then I actually feel worse a couple hours into my work-day than when I first got up? And then it’s possible to feel mildly better after I’m home for a while? I don’t always feel completely great, because it feels like the life was zapped out of me for so long, it seems reasonable I can’t bounce back completely in a few minutes. But a couple hours later, sure, I feel noticeably better. It’s not just the who-hoo, I’m off work kind of spring in one’s step (I’m too old for that now – I only get that for a vacation). A couple hours after work I just feel normal tired, vs. the walking out of work I probably look like I’m drunk or half-dead, slumped over and unable to walk a straight line (because I don’t even care as long as I don’t plow into a wall).