24 Days Until Surgery

24 days until major surgery. Anxiety is beginning to peak, even though I know it’s the correct course of action. It's the whole thing where it’s “starting to get real.” I submitted paperwork to take time off work, and watched a couple youtube videos, trying to have the mindset that they’re not 100% accurate. Still good to attempt to be informed or prepared, or know what questions to ask in my pre-op appointment.

I’ve been losing pretty slowly lately, or minimal up and down more than I’d like. After surgery will not be a fun time to try to be too active, though walking is usually good for everything. I am still waiting for an appointment with a semi-specialist to discuss the swelling in my leg, which is now over 11 cm larger in circumference than then other leg. They said anything over 3 cm is of great concern. Well duh, that’s why I tried to tell the previous ones. Anyway, my knee is finally enlarged and gets hot and painful when walking, so that’s not fun when post-op instructions are to walk as much as possible. I could schedule an appointment with my rheumatologist, but thought I’d start with this semi-specialist sports medicine doctor first. Besides the rheumatologist is usually booked out 6 months.

Meanwhile it’s fun trying to explain to my spouse why I may not be in the best frame of mind to watch surgery shows. Maybe some people wouldn’t care, and that’s great for them. We recently watched an episode of Gray’s Anatomy where they said how sick and disgusting it was that a person had let themselves go for so long. While technically referring to the medical condition, the same is likely all to apt for comments about overweight patients as well. I think they figure why help someone who obviously doesn’t care about their own health, and they must not care at all about their health if they’re overweight. Funny how I wonder if they say the same thing for people who drink too much or take drugs. Probably, yet I kind of think it’s more visually obvious of those who are overweight, and thus the overwhelming attitude is who cares about doing one’s best to help that kind of person. Yeah, I know it’s true, and maybe what I need to hear for more motivation, but it’s not the most fun thing to hear either.

Listened to a meditation the other day that theorized people are motivated by one of the following things: fear/avoidance, wanting something, duty, or love. The first two are negative ways to be motivated, the latter two are more positive. I’m not entirely sure how to be motivated to lose weight out of duty. Not saying this motivation theory is wrong; just not sure what to make of it.