Advice Seekers

Someone asking your advice should probably be considered a complement. But sometimes it can get out of hand.

A person I know constantly asks me for cat advice. I've tried to help her the best I can on several occasions. But I've noticed several disturbing patterns emerging.

She seems to ask almost for the sake of asking.
Can I look up a phone number for her? She left it at work. Yes, I have access to the same phone books you do ... Can you call them and ask their address and directions? Uhm, you're calling me on the phone. Since you obviously have access to the phone, wouldn't it be more direct if you called them yourself? That way you make sure you understand the directions. This isn’t just once, but repeatedly ...

She asks my advice and then argues with it.
She takes a long time to ask her questions in the first place. I could summarize in one sentence what she tries to articulate in 5 minutes. So it's off to a slow start. First she acts completely helpless, then doesn't like the best answer I can give her. And she keeps fishing for more. Ok, I admit, sometimes it's human nature to ask the advice of others when we're really seeking someone to agree with a decision we've already made. But this isn't as simple as agreeing with her or not. She calls with concerns about her cats food--has it been included in the latest recall news? I look on the internet for her. Does she know what type it is? No, can't you find out anyway? How would I know what kind of food she gives her cats? She finally gets the information on the bag. Bagged cat food of that brand has not been named, and I've done half a dozen searches just in case. Well, they don't seem to sell that cat food at her store anymore, so I must be wrong. Why can’t I confirm her cat food has been recalled? Well, if it’s not available at your store, guess you can get another cat food then. But I need to see if the one I've been using has been recalled. I need to know if that's what's making my cat sick! Oh, your cat is sick? You might want to ask a vet. No, I need you to tell me this cat food has been recalled so I can blame the company, even if I can't do anything about it (ok, you know I'm paraphrasing here, right)?
So all in all, it can take a really long time to get this person off the phone just because I can't give her the answer she's looking for.
Another example. Her cat is sick, she took it to the vet. It now has new symptoms, and she can't convince her vet that the cat is having a reaction to the meds. I feel for her. It’s hard when you’re trying to help someone/something and you’re at a loss what to do, or your methods don’t seem to help. I call around to several vets & specialists I know. No one has heard of these reactions to the meds she's been given, but they kindly give their thoughts that there might be another condition—they even specify what condition to look for and confirm, or politely say she could ask for a second opinion. I convey my findings. Well, we must all be wrong, and she huffs as if I'm wasting her time by telling her what she doesn't want to hear. Hey, I acknowledge I'm not a vet, I cannot give a diagnosis over the phone, but she was concerned, and I tried to do a bit of research for her. What more did she want? If I told her yes, it's quite clearly a reaction to the meds, is it like I can give her a new rx? Can I recommend anyone that would? No, I cannot, especially if she claims she can't afford to see another vet. Uhm, exactly what solution is she expecting from me here? It's not like she huffs off and hangs up, or leaves me alone. She just keeps digging at me, as if I'm with-holding information from her.

She repeatedly asks for advice I cannot give.
She has developed this little feral cat colony on her property, and although I have absolutely no knowledge about ferals, that doesn't stop her from asking. How do I catch them to spay/neuter them? I don't like the methods you've heard of. Can't you find me more? Where can I take them to get spayed/neutered for free? The several places you recommended won’t be able to get them in until next month. Now what do I do? What do I do if my feral is acting a certain way? Why would it do that? My feral has been missing for 18 hours. Where did it go? What do I do? Why did it leave? I don't think this cat would want to leave. I think someone is sneaking around shooting tranq darts and steeling my cats for satanic rituals. Am I just supposed to agree with this stuff to get her to pipe down? Gee, I'm really sorry, sounds like you have a cult problem in your neighborhood. Maybe you should euthanize all the cats to prevent anything from happening to them.
I need coolers to keep my cats warm. Do they sell them in winter? Do they sell coolers at the store that is (literally) 4 blocks from my house, that’s miles away from you? How am I supposed to know this? Call them? Oh yeah, for some reason she can’t make her own phone calls except to me. Call any stores. If you’re shopping, ask them. That’s the way people find out things like this.

Ok, as previously eluded to, she asks for vet advice. I know, we all try to get what we can without spending more time & money than we have to, but there's a point ... One of my feral cats died--tell me why. Excuse me? You want me to perform the autopsy? I have no idea, I’m not qualified, can't even gander a guess. Really sorry this happened, but not much I can do to diagnosis this. Ferals can be more prone to disease, especially if they aren't vaccinated; there's a whole host of things that may have caused this, and unfortunately this is why they don't live as long.
My vet says my feral cat died from distemper. What is distemper? How does that spread? Why didn’t you ask your vet? Even ask the receptionist at the office—I’ll bet they can tell you. If I try to find out, you wouldn’t believe me anyway.

Someone gave me a cat they found in their yard. I can’t keep it, but it’s really nice and tame. Should I take it to shelter A, or shelter B, both of which you’ve never heard of, since they are located where I live, not where you live. Which shelter are they more likely to get adopted from? What are their adoption policies? How would I know this information?

It finally occurs to me that this person is acting a bit like an unruly child. They are that insistent, that unreasonable. They want me (or someone else) to figure things out for them, yet they throw mini tantrums if they don’t get exactly what they want. So how do you teach a child to be self-sufficient? Especially when they’re old enough that they are 50+ years practiced in being this stubborn? Without appearing patronizing and condescending? Especially when that person is your mother, and you desperately want to tell her to grow up.