Trying Tofu

Tried tofu today. Not quite the first time, but rarely had it before. Don’t recall being impressed. Didn’t think I was missing anything, but the book I’m reading has a whole subsection devoted to how wonderful soy is, and its protective properties agains the cancer I’m attempting to avoid. Said it was nature’s version of the chemo prevention they want me to take. It was edible, but I should have marinated it in something different. We picked the only marinade we had in the pantry, and thought it might work with stir-fry. I think I should simply get a jar of mined garlic and let it soak in that next time. That or liquid smoke or something. Looked up ways to cook it next time. I’m not a fan of soy milk (glack), frozen is probably mushy, and not sure where to buy soybeans fresh, so tofu seemed like worth a shot. Had no idea what to buy, so we got extra firm. Sure seemed soft and squishy, but what do I know. Maybe soy nuts? If those were flavored, that certainly has potential. I know salt is generally bad, but I enjoy smoked salt and seasoned sea salts, so I could probably wash them down that way. I need to try nutritional yeast too. Who knows, maybe that would be a magic combination. Will have to check out the bulk section some time.

Fun Fitness Equipment, Fasciitis Still Flaring

Got some basic mini-loop exercise bands so I can do physical therapy exercises at home. I could do other exercises too, so they seemed like a decent investment. This was not for New Year Resolutions, as I’ve been thinking about exercise bands for a while now. But what type? What resistance level and what brand? Thought I’d start with the type they have for therapy and go from there. At least it’s something. There are a couple other fun items from PT that seem fun but I’m not sure I’d use them long term or not. Balance boards are not awfully expensive. Balance pads are more tempting (used differently) but much more pricey. While I was browsing I stumbled upon these things called balance pods, which simply look fun. If nothing else, they have a spiky texture one could probably use for self massage, or play with your feet under a desk. But I digress.

Now the issue is as much as I’m doing PT, I’m not really improving pain-wise. It’s less painful than when I started, but not much less than after the first couple of sessions. We’re doing good exercises, even though I kind of roll my eyes at the idea you’re not supposed to try them at home (thus maximizing the number of visits they can bill). Today I did minimal walking (the bare minimum to function at work) and I have throbbing pain after I’ve sat down. Probably less than 2000 steps. That doesn’t seem like great progress. Am I that old that my body isn’t responding properly? One can get injections of PT doesn’t work, but I used to think injections were more for people with injuries or worn down cartilage or such. You can’t undo some injuries or replace cartilage, that kind of thing. But just to cure a nagging pain in my heel, that would suck. Maybe not the end of the world, but I feel like more of a wimp than I would like.

Chemoprevention

So chemoprevention. Second least favorite word at the moment (cancer is #1). I don’t have cancer (yet) so I don’t need Chemotherapy, which is worse. Chemo comes from the word “chemical” supposedly, but the connotation I’ve always had is that it’s basically poison. That’s why it’s so miserable for people who have to go through it. Chemoprevention is using chemicals to prevent cancer, and likely less much less miserable, but it still has this nasty connotation, like I’m being forced to ingest poison for the idea I’m avoiding something much worse. Keep in mind there’s nothing technically wrong with me now. It’s all in the name of prevention. Maybe all prescriptions are some sort of poison, as they’re usually man-made concoctions, but I’ve never thought of them so negatively. Whereas most prescriptions advise of possible side effects, my brain is convinced that I’m guaranteed to have the negative effects of chemoprevention, because chemo is such a nasty connoted word. The chemoprevention I’m starting next month has 400+ drug interactions, 1 of which I am taking and they are choosing to ignore. Also has interaction with a couple dozen vitamins and supplements I would normally take (at least occasionally). At least 50 very common side effects and serious side effects include stroke and vision loss. Some side effects make my existing conditions worse (arthritis) and also take away supplements I’d been taking to help (ginger, vitamin c). Sounds like fun, right? Get to take this toxin a minimum of 5 years. 10 years may also be beneficial. I guess we’ll do 5 and re-evaluate then.

Leg & Foot Pain Everywhere

No, not really in that much pain. This is my progress update. Right foot is hurting pretty good again, but not quite as bad as it was initially. Left leg can straighten out better now, but burns if I stretch it. Not that nice comfortable feel, but not quite the burning sensation I had when they worked me too hard in the first place. Sort of in-between. Wondering if I would be better off getting a different PT referral. Just don’t have a great feeling about this place.

Physical Therapy Idiots

I know getting into shape isn’t always easy and can sometimes be quite painful. Usually physical therapy is a bit more gradual and less painful. That is, I normally don’t go in and have searing pain during the exercises they demand I keep doing, and wind up being sore for close to a week.

The problem is we’ve only been working on one foot/ankle/leg, and then they decided to throw in an exercise using both, and my other leg was not up to the challenge. Is this another ploy to get more visits out of a person? Let’s put you in extra pain, even if we don’t outright injure you, and then make you think we’re the only people who can get you back to square one, even though we’ve already used (and thus wasted) several of your visits. The owners/management of this business keep sending out stupid e-mails about how much they care and if there’s any little thing that you’re concerned about to please contact them. I don’t want to ruin a person’s employment, but the one guy ignore me so much while he socializes with the others, he doesn’t seem to want to be there. I have been patient, but he doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing in the first place. Maybe he needs more training or supervision. I don’t want to be the guinea pig where he ignores me half the time, can’t figure out what his directions are, and then tells me to do things that I can’t because he doesn’t have the equipment set up correctly, or he’s holding a resistance band, but with no resistance, because he’s too busy trying to talk to the more seasoned and muscular guys there. Maybe if this wasn’t going to cost me a couple thousand dollars I’d be more patient. But when I can give you a laundry list of what he did wrong after every visit, and on top of that, puts me in so much pain because he thinks it’s good . . . I’m not a body builder. And I’m pretty sure body builders don’t progress well if they’re in so much pain they can’t move either. Duh. So that’s how physical therapy is going. Aren’t you glad you asked.

Physical Therapy Gold-diggers

I like the idea of physical therapy in general. Slow careful recovery versus trying to do too much too fast. Exercises that build up slowly, vs. say, the ones I did this summer that surprisingly put me in ridiculous pain.

Here’s my beef with some physical therapist situations. I’ve heard on more than one occasion that they really milk the process to get more money. Require visits more frequently than necessary, or drag the process out longer than the person’s situation needs. Let’s face it; they’ve got a lot of control how fast you can recover if they won’t help you and you legitimately need their help, like for the physical manipulation and massage (that you can’t figure out how to do yourself). I used to show up for an initial visit, and yes, they do assess and take measurements, but then they get down to business. The one I went to this time did measurements and spent the rest of the time explaining the process and basically their business model, and how everyone, no matter what is wrong with them, will require at least 20 visits to get better with lasting results. I can see not rushing the process or getting overly optimistic that once things feel better you’re done and don’t need any followup. But at some point it feels like they’re over-doing it, and the point is they want financial security.

I went to one guy who was nice enough, and maye not over-doing it, but basically talked to me as if I was his therapist, whining a lot about money. He didn’t make enough working under someone else, so he started his own business. Fair enough. But he made comments like the only good patients people want are the ones who’ve had surgery because they need more visits, and people with lesser issues can drop earlier and then he’s scrambling fore more business. He complained about the cost of laundry (towels used for heat/ice packs) and his minimum water bill being too high even if he hardly used any water. So you hear things in general, and stuff like this, and when they seem too clingly that you absolutely HAVE to show up 3x a week even though all you’re doing is exercises that you could do at home and they ignore you the rest of the time because you do know what you’re doing . . . you start to wonder.

So the first vist was not actual physical therapy, even though they charge it as such. The issue is a lot of people only have x many visits their insurance covers, so it does seem wasteful to spend one on them showing up just to measure and leave. I’ve heard lots of complaints like this, so I know it’s not an isolated practice. Someone’s in the hospital, the PT shows up to introduce themselves, asks if they have any questions, and says they’ll come up with a plan/strategy for next time. But they waste a whole PT session. It’s annoying. The the patient’s side of the financial thing. Even if we’re not penny-pinchers, we’re paying x amount per visit, and to be required to have 20 vists, say, times $30-40 a visit , that’s a sizeable investment of $600-800. Again, if you’ve had a serious injury or surgery, you may well need this. But if you’ve got a smaller tweak or sprain and you bounce back well, some honest therapists would agree you don’t absolutely need that many visits, especially if you’ve got a solid exercise plan in place and are diligent in completing, to continue strength and stability. You don’t need someone to babysit you doing exercises in a corner that don’t require specialized equipment. My PT referral suggested 2 vists a week for 2-4 weeks. While that might have been on the low side, 8 weeks of 2-3x a week is twice as much, and they state this is the set amount for everyone, without even knowing what’s wrong with them. So you can see why I am given to wonder.

Waiting for Physical Therapy (Foot Pain Continued)

Foot pain got bad enough that I stopped doing the exercises until I get physical therapy. Maybe I’m not doing them precisely right. I got a referral; now waiting for the appointment. It got bad enough that I wans’t sleeping well and it didn’t make sense anymore since it was making it so much worse. In the meantime I got a couple different compression sleeves, gel heel cushions, gernic diclofenac gel, and re-useable elastic bandage wraps. I’m not doing any walking, which sucks. I will be so out of shape when I finally get back to walking. The other day I running errands was painful enough and limping/overcompensating probably isn’t a good idea either. Who knows how painful PT will be. They usually know what they’re doing and massage, ice or give instructions how to keep discomfort reasonable. But who knows.

Mattresses

You know the story of the Princess and the Pea? I’m starting to wonder if the pea was kind of besides the point. That the other point of the story is that some princesses want that much cushy bedding in the first place. We bought a crappy yet expensive mattress a couple of years ago and my spouse has pointed out that our health may be more important than toughing it out even though this mattress seems almost indestructible and may last quite a while.

Been looking online at several options, mainly trying to avoid pushy sales people. Against all reasoning, we stopped by a store Thanksgiving Weekend to see what was available in real life (we were in the area doing something else). Some of the online places have trial periods, but we don’t have a lot of room to keep the mattress from hell as a spare in case we nee to return an online purchase and don’t want to sleep on the floor. Unfortunately one of the main reasons we stuck with the mattress from hell was because we got rid of the horribly worn out predecessor and couldn’t logistically return it fast enough. That, and we foolishly thought maybe it would somehow break in after more time (trial periods were shorter then). It’s been years, and that thing is not breaking in.

Back to the in-store adventure. The sales guy was nicer than I ever could have expected. Previous experiences involved people telling me what I needed despite my telling them that’s not what I wanted. Or the vultures, such as in car dealerships. This time, no one pounced; we eventually asked if someone was available, and he simply pointed us towards options based on our questions and reactions. What a concept. Since we weren’t seriously considering buything anything, tried to ask vague questions about materials and layers in case such properties might be compared to other mattresses. And since we weren’t really considering, also pretended we didn’t have a price-range in mind. Maybe it was good practice for a poker face when we found my ideal mattress included a poofy mattress topper sold separately that cost twice as much as our previous expensive mattress. Even if we only got a half size topper for my side of the bed. Only princesses can afford that price of sleeping luxery. See, at least some of the online mattresses have warranties for 15, 20 years, or even “lifetime.” This one somehow charged an extra $100+ just for the 10 year and had a shorter trial period. Again, learning from our previous experience, the showroom model was great. Exactly what we wanted. But the one that arrived was not. Even though the showroom model was only 2 months old, they assured us it only needed a little longer to break in (and that’s what we were hoping anyway, since we would othertise be stuck without anything to sleep on but the floor). So all I’m saying is you’ve got to jump up and down on the mattress hoping to break it in sooner than later so you know if you really want it since half the time you have it is breaking it in, and this store’s trial wasn’t especially long (3 months). Then the cost per year, assuming it only lasts 10 years . . . I guess it was nice to dream.

Unwanted Mail

I am really getting tired of mail from the hospital. It’s not bills, so you’d think hey, it’s not that bad. It’s merely summaries of visits, notices of upcoming visits . . . It’s the fact that it keeps reminding me of the whole mini-drama. Painful biopsy and waiting to see if I had cancer. Being told no, then, wait, uhm, well, it’s not exactly malignant, but it’s abnormal and kind of worrisome . . . saying I need surgery, no wait, insurance won’t pay for surgery whether I wanted it or not . . . Just the whole ordeal. We need imaging, we need more imaging, no, imaging was a waste, lets do this instead . . .

I have to remind myself how lucky I am. I don’t have cancer; I don’t need chemotherapy or radiation; nor do I have thousands of dollars to pay the hospital. I just don’t like the recurrant reminders of the situation. Here’s a notice that you need to schedule this. Here’s a confirmation that you have scheduled this. Here’s a summary of the services you received. Here’s yet another letter recommending something else. I have an appointment at the high risk cancer center next month. Yes, I know I do, thank you for another reminder. Thank you for telling me you did not receive medical records from the surigical consult and then saying never mind, you don’t need them.

It’s all completely inoccuous, but at the time time generally unhappy reminders. It's fine. I just wanted to express this somewhere.

Flipping Fasciitis Foot Pain

My foot pain started probably late August, where I thought maybe the cushioning in my shoes had finally worn out and I needed a new pair. This did not help. Both my feet hurt the entire length whenever I walked. They felt as if they were tired and sore, as if I’d already walked way too much and they were sore and tired. On a bad day, they would still hurt at night and I couldn’t even let them brush against each other because the sides of my feet hurt.

Doc says sounds like plantar faciitis, and gave some stretches. Interesting, the back of my left knee hurts now, but foot feels better. Right foot is tons worse and my arch is noticeably flat on this foot. What the? So I’m looking up more exercises, stretches, videos, etc while I’m in so much pain I can’t sleep, and it’s not as if I’m walking more than I absolutely must, because it hurts so much. The classic PF is supposed to be super bad in the morning and slowly stretch out as you use it. Or it gets worse the longer you sit, so sometimes during the day it’ll hurt on the first couple of steps. Nope, not me. I am limping, hobbling , and wincing in pain every single step. After a few steps I can stop the hobble, but the pain doesn’t subside.

No idea what podiatrist to go to or look for. In theory they usually prescribe physical therapy anyway, and that’s why I’m looking for those exercises online while I try to figure out what to do. Besides, even if I find a foot doc, work requires 2 weeks notice to take any time off, including for appointments like this.

In desperation I ordered some compression socks online that should be here late Friday or Saturday. No idea if that will work, but I’m starting to go out of my mind. Tons of braces, compression sleeves, socks, etc, so I finally stabbed at one that wasn’t too expensive and looked good. In the meantime I wrapped it with self-adhesive which helps a little, but also adheres to everything else, so who knows how much sock lint it will have on it at the end of the day.

I know; I’m whining. Sorry, that’s what one sometimes uses a blog for. Frustrated and in pain and no idea what doc to get or product to buy that will work. Already sick of seeing videos that warn you against what you saw in the other video, etc, etc. My doc recommended at least 4 stretches, so it encompasses both sides. Only thing I can’t do well is the one on stairs. I live on the second floor. I don’t really want to stand backwards at the top of the stairs, or get dressed and shoes on to walk down to the bottom of the stairs several times a day while the neighbors watch and wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Darn it all, why did I get ride of those exercise steps, just because I didn’t use them for over 15 years? Could use them right now.

Shopping Trip

I’ve been looking for those semi-wimpy weights a while now, and somehow stumbled upon a coupon for Dick’s Sporting Goods. I felt like an intruder both entering and exiting the store, half expecting someone to ask if I was lost. Though not my ideal adjustable solution, I did manage to get 2 four-pound dumells to fill in that gap I needed. I have 5 pounders, but I’m not yet ready to do a full minute flapping my arms in little cirles holding my 5 pound weights. Still working with the unknown and probably “vintage” variety I stumbled upon a few weeks ago. Guessing those are somehwere around 1.5-2 pounds. 3 pounds would have been silly to invest in. I could’ve passed these up as well, but 2 little dumbells with the textured coating for for 10 bucks wasn’t too bad. Probably still need the adjustable ones for ankle weights at some point, but those were considerably more at Dick’s than online.

Still, I felt like I should be ashamed, checking out, as if I needed to give the cashier an explanation of my wimply purchase. Like I needed to explain the above situation to them, why I was purchasing such a tiny weight. They were nice of course, and probably didn’t think anything of it. After all, my size probably suggests they might have been surprised that I could hold both in one hand.

The good news is I already have 5, 8, 10, 12, and 15 pound weights at home from my younger years. They’ve been put to odd strategic uses, like anchoring a scratching post from moving around. Maybe when I advance up that far, I can use a pile of the tinier weights to take that place. I realize a bunch of varied weights isn’t as svelte as the adjustable ones, but I also don’t have the cash to drop on say, an adjustable kettlebell that goes from 8-140 pounds. And then all you have is a kettlebell, and not all those other types of weights. These will do me just fine for a while, I think.

I also need to figure out the whole exercise band thing. There are sets with multiple bands for 20-35-ish online, but I’m not sure what exercises to do with them. The nice thing is that you can use multiple bands at a time, so (assuming they don’t break right away, as some reviews suggest) you can have a pretty good weight spread as you get more in shape. I also love the idea that they’re not super heavy so one could use those while traveling and they’d be small and light enough to not be a huge extra. Oh well. One thing at a time.

How often should one be hungry?

Last week I continued to increase my fruits and vegetables. Of note were bananas, blueberries, broccoli, and pumpkin soup. I couldn’t decide on any one soup recipe so after googling common ingredients, I ad-libbed my own. I used a relatively low amount of coconut milk and no other dairy or fatty ingredients to make it creamy and thick. It was delicious and I had a ton of it for and with meals. Despite this, my weight loss was pretty minimal. I cut out all desserts (except occasional low-fat popcorn) and we didn’t eat out at all. Kept up my exercising, though admittedly I “should” do more.

They say if you’re on track, losing 1-2% of your total body weight a week is a good goal. When most people start out, they generally lose a little more the first couple weeks, which can kick-start motivation. I'm jealous. Like yeah, I’m on the right track. Even though I can’t expect a huge loss every week, this is a nice boost to keep going. 1 percent is .01. I lost .001 or a tenth of 1%. Yay. I’m sitting here half hungry most of the time while my spouse scarfs down aromatic junk food and multiple desserts, wondering when this is going to kick in.

That’s the other eye-rolling item. Years ago on one of the several WW programs I participated in, they had their hunger levels and dicated that one should be “a bit hungry” most of the time. Seriously? Most of the time you’re walking around hungry and not allowed to do anything but think about food? Yeah, that’s gonna end well. I’m currently on this idea of eating lunch & dinner since I’m not starving when I wake up. The idea is you shouldn’t eat unless you’re actually hungry. So today for lunch I ate celery, blueberries, and a cup of low-ish calorie popcorn. The rest of the afternoon I drink as much water as possible bemoaning that it’s normal to be “a bit hungry” most of the time, especially since I’m not hungry enough for a big meal (again, from the people who brough us don’t eat breakfast unless you’re hungry for a big meal). Yeah, I feel “a bit” deprived and irritated because I’m not losing much. Oh well. Just had to whine a little.

CIS

The following is my satire on trying to understand medical terminology. It is in no way intended to make light of, or offend those with serious medical conditions, especially cancer.


You have the opportunity to learn new things every day. Here is my expression of my experience attempting to understand CIS, or Carcinoma in Situ.

I will lump myself along with most people’s basic understanding of the term carcinoma – bad. Carcinoma generally means cancer. While not all cancer is terminal, there is a pretty scary overall connotation of the word. I mean, nothing good generally comes from it, right?

I listen to Kids Place Live, a children’s radio station. Recently one of their hosts, Absolutely Mindy, expressed that she had finished up a round of chemo, and as always, tried to explain the idea of cancer in a friendly accessible and not-so-scary way to her listeners. She said cancer is when the cells in your body go all bonker-balls and form gangs and attack the other cells in your body. Sounds like a good basic description. Let’s build off that.

The first thing they try to tell you when you get test results is that CIS is not really cancer; it is benign. Ok, that sounds better, but how exactly does this work?

I conducted several web searches for the meaning of “in situ.” The jist I got was that it’s something that has remained in its place of origin. That does contradict Cancer.org’s definition that “Cancer is a disease in which some of the body’s cells grow uncontrollably and spread to other parts of the body.“ Ok, good, it’s something odd, but it’s not out of control. That should help us feel a bit better. Maybe? From numerous other searches, what I gleaned is it’s cells that look like cancer, but don’t act like cancer. Still sounds a bit apprehensive, but ok. Something looks a bit wonky, but it’s not bonker-balls out of control yet.

With my various trepidtations and ups and downs with this news, along with my twisted sense of humor, I cam up with this anaology. Carcinoma in situ: cancer at home.

Instead of forming gangs and attackinig the neighborhood, it’s just haning out at home, maybe reading a good book by the fireplace and taking it easy. It looks like cancer, but so far it’s keeping the peace, staying put, and not causing problems. Something to keep an eye on, for sure, but that’s probably where the analogy should end. Otherwise we start talking about privacy invation and stereotypes just because someone looks like they shouldn’t be in the neighborhood and I’m pretty sure we should go there.

The sucky thing is that in the meantime, searching carcinoma in situ (as recommended by the health provider) you get results anywhere from saying it's stage 0 cancer and should be treated immediately while it is still curable, to eh, don't do anything but wait and watch. These are only websites that are supposed to be fairly reputable. WebMD, Mayo Clinic, various hospitals and cancer intitute. Whatever. Wait. Check back in a few months. Try not to worry (yeah right).