Thursday, May 29, 2025

So Sore

A lot has happened in the last 24 hours. Still trying to wrap my head around it. Did I mention I’ve been so antsy not knowing what I’m allowed to do or not do? You’re supposed to have a post-op visit at 6 weeks where they tell you that you can take the sling off or reduce using it, and further instructions. They didn’t think to schedule this when we scheduled surgery, so they could not get me in until end of week 9. I’ve e-mailed the surgeon’s medical assistant scads of times, and asked my physical therapists what they think I can probably safely do . . . but I didn’t really know, so I’d go bath and forth between daring to do something and then stressing that maybe I wasn’t supposed to do it. Things that are bad for you don’t necessarily hurt. More often than not, I erred on the side of caution and the most “active” things I did were in PT sessions. I recall one video experience I watched where the person said it was 6 weeks in the sling, 6 weeks getting used to gravity, so for all I knew, I was just supposed to lt the arm lay there most of the time. After all, I do NOT want to mess this up after all the pain I've been through

I finally get a surgical follow-up appointment and he gives such parameters that I’m aghast. He says go ahead and do this or that, and I leave the appointment pretty much dazed. I feel like we barely started phase 2 of recovery in PT – active motion (vs passive) and suddenly he says in certain positions I can go ahead and lift up to 2-5 pounds. What?? I’d been told no more than 1 pound, so my mouth is gaping. Maybe it was 1 pound at the 6 weeks mark. How'd it jump to 2-5? I would not even dare pick up my water container, because when it’s full, it’s nearly 2 pounds.

Now, before you think I’m careless, I did not go home and start weight lifting with glee. But I did start reaching out a little bit more. Usually I pick something light up with my left had, even say, a fork, and then give it to my right hand to hold onto, while holding my elbow firmly against my body. With permission, I now reached out a little bit for that kind of light object. I didn’t stretch out all the way – baby steps. I’d reach a couple inches further than I normally would to pick up a pen, or a napkin. I brushed my teeth with my dominant/operative hand for the first time since surgery (oooh, aaah).

And what happens next? I get so sore I can hardly stand it. Not the little kind of sore from a challenging work-out. We're talking every fiber of your arm and shoulder that is not bone, feels like it' been soaked in extra-strength soreness. After all, it's been mostly dormant for almost 2 months. I'm not sure one can fully comprehend this kind of soreness if you have not had sad innocent muscles atrophy like that.

Luckily they gave me a prescription for lidocaine patches. Otcs laughed in the face of that intense soreness. I was eventually able to sleep. Hooray. You’re only supposed to use them for 12 hours. I’m afraid to take it off. How bad it will feel again. I’ve mentioned I’m not a good example, right? I’m way too honest. Besides, my injury and surgery was relatively minor. I'm a wimp, so I'm sure I've made it sound worse. The printed info he gave me said in some cases one could be out of their sling and driving after a week. That was not my case. But it still sounds so bizarre . . .

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

Physical Therapy Overload, 60 Days Post-Op

Officially on PT overload. I worked with a different therapist he other day. I have seen them off-and on when my primary PT isn't available - they are great. Some exercises I only do at appointments, vs. assigned ones I do both at visits and at home. Sometimes one works up to doing the exercises daily, usually 2x daily, 30 reps. Anyway, I've been asking for a band to practice some of the exercises, even if I'm not "required" to do them at home. This alternate therapist finally gave me a band to take home. Yay.

Usually I can remember all the different exercises, but I think I'm going to have to start writing them down to make sure I don't leave any out. Example: simple idea of doing shrugs and shoulder rolls. I'd forgotten about that. Maybe one doesn’t need to do 30, 2x a day, but once in a while would be a good idea.

I sat down and starting counting how many optional home exercises I have, and good grief! I have 7 assigned ones – non negotiable, that I need to do 30 repetitions, 2x a day. Some of these are slow and require a 3-5 second hold or stretch. It’s not as if one can do 30 reps in a minute. Add this to the 10 additional optional exercises. Half of them, I truly should do at least 20+ reps 2x a day. Holy cow! I don’t need any additional fitness exercise regimen. This isn't even counting the exercises I am supposed to do for my knees. Some of those fell by the way-size because #1 they involved laying on my side (not gonna happen until my arm is healed) or #2 made my hip so tense, and I can’t use my arms to assist the stretch they showed me to alleviate that. The knee exercises I need to do the rest of my life. Shoulder ones, hopefully not, but could reasonably expect another 4-6 months, or who knows. I saw something the otherday claiming rotator cuff surgery recovery could be 6-14 months. Glack.

I have to return back to work in-person in a couple of weeks, so I won’t be able to sneak in a set of 10 reps of this or that once in a while. I will also have great difficulty icing if I do get inflamed and painful. The surgeon's office recommended frequent breaks to ice, when I started working again. I was told if I did that, I would not be working full-time, and that would be a head-ache of paperwork proving inability to work FT. I finally negotiated taking a couple of smaller breaks. It works out ok since I've been working from home and the ice packs are right there. I still have to hunch in order to balance the ice on my shoulder if working at the same time. Velcro-straps excist, but it's harder to tack those down than you expect, if you only have one usable arm. I could bring ice packs to work, but they clear out the fridge/freezer daily. If I bring “real” re-useable icepacks, I’d have to truck those to and from work all the time. I was already thinking I might need a little wagon to simply carry my drinks and lunch. The doors are still too heavy for me to pull with my operative hand. I would need to set my bag and drink down, open the door, gather my things with one hand . . . I'm not looking forward to it. If we were to add a couple of 2-pound re-usable ice packs on top of that to my items to carry in . . . I may need a little red wagon to truck everything in.

Also when returning to the office: I’ll have to get up – what, about an hour earlier, to get as much PT done as I can? It's 2x a day, and I feel pretty awful in the morning if I don't do it. Without tacking on the last 10 exercises, I’ve noted that 30 minutes early is not enough to get everything done. (thus occasionally sneaking in a few reps at the same time as getting a glass of water or such).

Monday, May 26, 2025

Pulling myself out of a Funk

Finally pulling myself out of the funk of the last few days (possibly the last week).

It helped that I had a new toy to play with today – my dream computer keyboard. I am not a gamer, but I am picky on keyboards and type relatively fast. Or, I used to. #1 obstacle is muscle weakness after shoulder surgery. Seriously, it doesn’t matter how much you squeeze that ball that comes with the sling – your whole arem and hand get weak and atrophied. #2, I have the cheapest stiff keyboard from work. My job is to type quickly all day long. Why not allow a person to have a better keyboard? This is the argument I would make if I thought I could convince them to pay for this keyboard at work. I doubt it would fly. Especially since I discovered my ideal keyboard is a gaming one. Sorry for all gamers out there who might think it’s sacrilege for a non-gamer to own one. Despite my muscle weakness, I still can type pretty fast if I’m not fighting a crappy keyboard, pounding the clunky keys into submission. The fun backlighting wass a plus as well.

Ahem. Back to shoulder recovery. I think the lesson is to hang in there and do the work even when it sucks and it’s boring and doesn’t feel like it’s getting any better. Sure, it’s normal to get tired of the drudgery, or feel discouraged. But dang, shoulder surgery recovery is nasty. The amount of pain, the amount of time being in that much pain . . . arduous does not seem like a strong enough word. It can get flat-out exhausting at times. Fight to survive and endure another day. And get ice packs. Lots, and lots of ice packs. Had no idea I'd still be icing so much 8+ weeks after surgery. Icing my opposite non-operative shoulder as well, as iritated as it's gotten, still doing all the work. I think today is day 59. Day 1 is the first day after surgery.

Friday, May 23, 2025

Angry Muscles (Rotator Cuff Surgery Recovery)

Every once in a while I have a day that kicks pain up a few notches more than expected, and I feel terrible. This is one of those days. Started light strength exercise in physical therapy yesterday. I was tired and sore at the time, but waking up . . . Brought on those thoughts of why the heck did I even have surgery? What was I thinking? Oh yeah. I thought I was in pain and this would be a good solution. Boy was I an idiot. I had no idea what real pain was.

Last night I used the sling temporarily, to see if it would help my arm/shoulder rest. It didn’t help, so I gave up. I used my early morning pre-work time to ice instead of starting PT. I often regret it if I don’t get a complete set of PT done pre-work, so this is a big deal. I snuck in little sets of 5 or 10 of an exercise as often as I could throughout the day. It hurts to even raise my forearm from hanging down to the right angle (former sling position). Let alone holding anything (I'm allowed up to 1 pound). I refrained from messaging my physical therapist that my arm hated him today. Idk how many nerve endings are in those muscles, but I swear they all feel irritated and aggitated, having woken up after all this time in dormancy.

Eventually forced myself to complete every single rep of assigned exercises. I barely eeked out a couple optional exercises. Usually I do a slew of extra exercises even if they're not officially assigned. If we've done them in a PT session, I figure it wouldn't hurt to do a few every day at home. Used the cheap Frisbee I got yesterday, for one maneuver (it's the right size) and used my new pulley to get my arm up behind my back. Didn’t do much, and but I tried.

Tuesday, May 6, 2025

PT - Active Movement

Not sure if I'll have the patience/motivation to go through and insert posts for the last few weeks. Suffice it to say rotator cuff repair was the most painful thing I've ever experienced and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Even typing takes a stupid amount of effort at this stage. Currently 5 weeks 5 days since surgery.

Did first active exercises with my arm at the end of PT today. Slowly lifted arm straight out in front of me. Did so in front of a mirror to make sure I didn’t cheat by scrunching my shoulder up at the time time. Not sure why my collarbone/clavicle area feels tired and overused. Anyway, discussed this is NOT one I should cheat by doing at home all the time. I tend to try to do at least a few exercises here and there that I learn, even if they’re not daily assigned ones. Technically I’m not really supposed to do any active movements and stay sling-bound at least 6 weeks. Longest 6 weeks ever. Cannot emphasize how arduous it is only having one hand/arm for that long. 6 more weeks before I can hold or lift anything above one pound. This includes using more than that much effort to say, open heavy doors, open bottles/jars, etc. I’m not even mousing with my dominant hand yet. In order to type I am supposed to use my other hand to lift my hand up to the appropriate position on the keyboard. No mousing or 10-key.

I return to work next week. 4 people have quit in the last 6 weeks, and we’re already understaffed. No way I’m going to volunteer for OT. Not even sure how well I’ll be able to adjust to typing all day with the current strength. Have to re-arrange my WFH area so I can type with my arms in my lap or supported by pillows. Fun stuff.

Add tired-ness readjusting to FT work, lots of PT multiple times a day, not sure how regularly I’ll want to post here either. We’ll see.

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Post-Op Clothing, Good & Bad News

Last piece of oversized clothing, very delayed from Amazon.com finally arrived but was the wrong size. Frick. Too late to order another. This is why I mock "prime" 2-day shipping. Depends on who is shipping it, how long they take, and any "oops" they make like "we're sorry, your shipment was supposed to arrive today, it hasn't left yet, and will be another two weeks).

On a good note, got a couple appropriate post-surgery shirts and they kinda fit. Very soft and stretchy, so they're not uncomfortable, even though they're not exactly flattering either. The point is based on the size description, I thought no way, but upon reading the size guide, I thought, well, maybe . . . I will still need help getting them on and off for a while. Ugh. At least it's something.

If all else fails, and I don't need to go anywhere, I can rock the Greek toga look. Wear a sheet or towel. I'll be sleeping or resting a lot the first couple days anyway, right? Need to learn to roll with things.

A movie my spouse likes to watch, especially when not feeling well is The Martian, where an astronaut is stranded on Mars. At the end he comments on space travel: things will go wrong. You have to work the problem. And then the next problem. You solve enough problems, and you get to come home. Not a bad mind-set. Work the problem. Find a different angle. Don't get in a rut of dismay when the easiest option fails.

Monday, March 24, 2025

Specialized Post-Op Clothing

Got a call with my pre-surgery instructions from the hospital. While I appreciate the call so one can ask questions, they rattled some things off so quickly, I think a short written summary might also be helpful. Especially for anyone older or so freaking anxious they can't think straight.

2 days before surgery is not ideal notice to tell people that they need specialized clothing to bring to surgery. Seriously. Especially if you don’t fit standard sizes. Is it reasonable to expect everyone has Amazon Prime, or is willing to pay for express shipping for these things? It would have been nice to know a little more in advance. I’d seen a youtube video where the person sewed her own, and that’s great. I had no idea if I’d need those types of shirts in the first place. I’ve been e-mailing the CMT there frequently with questions. It’s sad no one thought to bring this up before. I can't sew, but even if I called in a favor for someone I know, or try to recruit a friend of a friend, this is incredibly short notice. Hey friend, you want to drop everything you're doing and sew a couple shirts that I need in two days flat? You don't have a life or plans or anything, right?

Basically sounds like they put the sling on you directly after surgery without clothes, and you’re not allowed to use any clothing unless you have the special ones that open on the side, that allow you to keep your sling on, and stationary the entire time. Ok. Still would have been nice to know that ahead of time.

Friday, March 21, 2025

Crap is Getting Real

Picked up the arm sling today. Freaking big piece of hardware. It’s an immobilization sling (I think?) – not just a supportive wimpy thing. Velcro straps around the arm, shoulder/neck and waist. Big ol’ “bolster” cushion supposedly optional and mainly for comfort. It has a photo how it should look when put on correctly, and it looks completely wrong compared to the videos I’ve watched. We're talkng the ones from doctors and orthopaedic clinics. I had heard/read the hand should be in line with, or above the elbow, so blood doesn’t pool in the hand. In the photo, it’s more like 110 degree angle instead of 90 degrees, and looks like gravity would let the arm slide right out. Ok, let’s just let the arm flop there below the waist. According to the directions, it’s supposed to tie the belt part around your waste. Uhm, ok. If I were to do that, I would be seriously bent over, trying to get my elboe and arm down to it. The elbow is supposed to fit neatly in the corner, or else it’s not correctly supported. If it’s absolutely supposed to be around the waste, I have to either I can double over or I can gently rest my arm on top of the sling (not inside). I shouldn’t stress over those details so much, but it’s annoying not knowing. I'm getting better though. I'm not completely freaking out right now. At first I researched all that stuff because I was paranoid that if it wasn't precisely in the right spot, it wouldn't heal correctly.

If they tell me how it works the day of, right before surgery, I’ll be too nervous to concentrate. If they tell me afterwards, I’ll be so loopy I won’t remember. And I might accuse my spouse for not paying close enough attention later if we have differing recollections.

Saw another patient picking up their brace at the office, and she advised one will wake up with the sling already on. Uhm, ok, so do they dress you first? Or do you go home in a hospital gown draped over you? I wondered if there’s preferable clothing to dress in, or bring with you. Heard I need to wait patiently for the hospital to call with instructions a day or two before.

The patient I ran into today said she heard button-up shirts are the way to go. I have a couple button-up shirts if needed. They make little button-assist tools. It still doesn’t answer the question how they want you to put on clothing – clench your arm against your side, or let it dangle, or prop it up on a table next to you.

Ugh. Previously, a person at the doctor’s office advised I would get all the important instructions for sling use at the first post-op visit. My first post-op is 10 days later. You’re going to give me instructions how to use the sling then? I get it if I can’t take a full shower until then, but it might be nice to know if I can change clothing in the first 10 days. If they do allow sort of shower, which of the methods they’d like me to use. The only thing they said was to not get the incision wet. They even said a lot of their patients find food wrap sucessful. That's nice, but what do they recommend doing with the arm during a shower? Do I keep the sling on? (probably not) Do I take the sling off, keep my arm in the same position and clutch my opposite side? Or do I let it dangle and flop around? I have a shower sling, but it doesn’t keep things very stable, and slides around my neck (I’ve tried it out). Holding my hand up in the brace position sounds like it might get tiring. Yet allowing it to dangle loosely, I’m afraid I might try to raise or move my arm out of habit (and haziness - not sure how much pain and/or painkillers I’ll be experiencing during the first week).

I guess all I need to know is to show up at the designated time with the brace, a down-payment for surger.y

Thursday, March 20, 2025

One Week Until Rotator Cuff Surgery

Well, rotator cuff and bicep repair surgery one week from today. Can’t think of much else to do. Expecting one more package to arrive, but otherwise, all set. Ha. What that really means is we’ll figure out all we didn’t think of later when we get to it. There are lots of products out there to make one-hand life easier, but some of them are a bit more spendy, and since this is a temporary situation, we should be ok.

Getting my hair cut super short this weekend. Might as well. I don’t want to have to deal with it more than I have to, with one arm/hand.

You’d think reading might be a good activity while I’m recovering, but I’m not sure how to prop open books so I can read easily. Haven’t even gotten the official sling, so I have no idea how bulky or where that will occupy space. If I’m achy at all, I have no doubt I might use that as an excuse to watch movies instead. First week I’m not planning on doing much besides home PT exercises. Know someone who had similar surgery at the same place and their nerve block took 3 days to wear off. We’ll see what happens.

I'm a lot less nervous this time (so far) even though I'm pretty sure recovery is going to be so much worse this time.

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

9 Days Until Rotator Cuff Repair

My latest pessimism. I saw some of quotes how you can accomplish nearly anything as long as you believe you can – the mind over body idea. What is that all encompassing one? The body can achieve what the mind can believe? Right now I feel humph, yeah right. I would have been happy to mentally command my shoulder to heal on its own. As wonderful as the mind is, there are limits here. Same with faith and prayers to be healed (let's not go too far into that).

I wish I will my opposite shoulder to be healthy as well. The more I practiced doing certain tasks one-handed, the more I experienced sharp pains that don’t completely go away. Lately I find it difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position that avoids pain on both arm/shoulders at the same time. I’m wondering if it’s in my best interest to have my spouse help me with most things after surgery so I don’t continue to make it worse. All those videos show and encourage a person to be as self sufficient as possible. Generally sound advice. But what if I’m wreaking havoc on my other joints?

I can’t have multiple surgeries this year. #1, I can’t afford to take that much time off (sure, I wish I had 12 weeks PTO saved up). #2 cumulative medical expenses if multiple surgeries. Don’t even go there. #3 If it takes 6 months to get back the use of one arm, I’d barely be able to function with the recovery arm and then fix the other? Doesn’t sound like a good idea.

I hope the opposite arm isn’t damaged to the point it requires drastic intervention. But what do I know? What can I do to prevent it getting worse? Or promote healing to the extent that it can? I’ve taken several breaks (days at a time) when it hurts, and tell myself I’ve practiced enough; I need to take it easy. Then I try one little thing, and bam – stabbing pain. I have now stopped any practice/prep. We'll figure it out after surgery.

Sure, I can mentally tell myself that my tendons can self-heal and be happy, flexible and strong. But if it doesn't work, do we really need to feel mentally weak and incompetent as well as physically? This is where I've seen the lack of faith accusations as well. Sure, let's kick a person while they're down. Tell them if only they had sufficient faith they would be healed without modern medicinal intervention. (Can you hear me growling at that idea?)

That's enough commentary on that. Icicng the "healthy" shoudler. Not sure how to elevate (more than it is) or put compression on it. Those general RICE recommendations: Rest, Ice. Compression, and eventually exercise. Focusing on rest and ice for the next few days while I can. Wish me luck.

Saturday, March 15, 2025

~2 weeks until Rotator Cuff Surgery

Improvements. Finally got time off work approved. Good thing I still have some vacation time.

Bought some bigger clothes (casual lounge-wear). Universal recommendation is to get big/baggy clothing so it’s easier to get on and off. Even got a couple pairs of front-closure bras for when my shoulder is somewhat healed. I watched and the videos and tried the supposedly easy methods to either front or back closure brans on with one hand. Suffice it to say my spouse is going to be dong that part for me for 6 weeks, and then we'll see. Front will be easier at some point, and I'll have to go out in public eventually (mainly physical therapy).

Another widely recommended tip is to use pump bottles whenever possible for soap, shampoo, lotion, etc. Everything I have is either a bar, flip, or screw-top. Somewhat recently found fantastic bar shampoo and conditioner. Nertz can't use that for a while. Probably. Oh well. Got a couple hopefully fun soap scents that weren't too expensive. Pretty sure it's going to dry my skin out. Figured at least if it doesn't smell bad, might be more sufferable. I'm not normally a poofy loofah person, but the handle around one's wrist suddenly makes perfect sense when you only have one arm and don't want to drop things.

Not sure what else to do. Aside from the painful stretches they gave me to keep my range of motion up. Nasty stuff. The word "excruiating" comes to mind, but they're not as bad once the stretch is released. Problem is if one gets frozen shoulder, due to lack of use, recovery could increase from 6-12 months, to 2 1/2+ years. Interesting how perspective makes it more bearable. It's already torn, and they're going to repair it, so what's the biggie if it's slightly more torn for them to fix?

No NSAIDS/anti-inflammatory remedies starting Monday. I started reducing the amount I take and was unpleasantly surprised how much pain I was in. Bringing out the topicals: bio-freeze, salonpas, Deep Blue, whatever can take the edge off. Looking into topical lidocane too. I know they normally don't smell great. The price you pay for relief. Someone clearly went to a lot of effort on the one product I saw labeled "fruity." Uhm, ok. Good luck with that one.

Thursday, March 6, 2025

Surgery Paperwork Stress

Maybe I'm programmed incorrectly, that I will always find something to stress about. This week's stress is over taking time off work.

Initially the doctor’s office said plan to take 6-12 weeks off work. Sounds good. 6 weeks non-negotiable will be confined to a sling. My job is typing for speed, so that’s not going to happen.

Earlier this week the office (finally) got around to completing the paperwork required for me to take time off. They suggested I would only need 2-3 weeks. Ahem. At 2 weeks, I wonder if I’ll still be icing and moping around in pain a lot. I won’t be able to drive, type, and at that point who knows how well I’ll even be at hygiene and getting dressed (thus staying home and moping). I asked them to please check with the surgeon, as this was quite a bit less than previously estimated. They said fine, they’ll submit for 6 weeks. (sigh)

Then they complete the paperwork (due Tuesday, this is pushing it), provided me with a copy and it said 10 days off work. What the ?? I contacted them and politely asked to help me understand where this was coming from. Initial response was “oh, that’s to let work know that I might need to take time off intermittently to go to follow-up appointments or physical therapy. Uhm, ok, that’s not very clear the way it reads . . . They made a comment how this is how they fill it out for people who can’t work more than 3 days in a row. Great. Open it up for them that I could potentially work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, have Wednesday off, and finish up the week Thursday, Friday. You can’t open the window like that for some places. Don’t give them any ideas implying I can be back to work after 10 days if that’s not what you mean. I’m already freaking out about pain and the arduous recovery proces . . . let's please not add this on top.

Wednesday, February 26, 2025

Stamina

Sure, my left arm and hand are weaker and out of practice. Beyond muscle and fine motor skill though, requires stamina. It's not that everything requires a ton of strength, but it takes forever to get through it, and then you go on to the next thing. Or you will once you have surgery. Seems unanimously recommended to get a shower chair because even though your shoulder has nothing to do with standing, you'll be so freaking tired. If you go with the recommended detachable shower head, you have to use your hand and arm almost all the time. You have to use your arm the entire time to wet, soap, rinse, the entire time. You can't simply stand there to rinse. It’s not that you’ve never used your opposite hand/arm before, but you’re going to be using it constantly. From one frustrating or tiring task to the next.

It’s mentally exhausting more than you’d think, too. It gets better, but for a while, glack.

Unfortunately I practiced so much with the left hand/arm the last few days, that shoulder now hurts too. I give up. For now.