Here’s an approximation of the current unhealthy pattern, give or take.
Day 1:
I do my exercises, feel ok at the time, later feel worrisome sharp “discomfort, ” possibly spasms (heck if I know) and then worry I’ve done something damaging.
Day 2
I take it easy to make sure the pain/discomfort doesn’t persist.
Day 3
If I haven't exercised much, I sometimes feel achey from not moving enough. I go back to exercises. Even with less exertion or reps, I start the cycle all over again.
Personally, I can’t take the anxiety of worrying if I tore something every other day. Or worrying if I did permanent damage every time it feels different achy/hurty than I am familiar with. It’s not worth it. If something did go wrong, seems like the only option is either strengthen what's left with Physical Therapy or all out surgery. I already know how to do a lot of PT exercises, and I absolutely don’t want surgery again. Thus I feel like my only option to maintain personal sanity is to take it extra slow and easy, even if it means longer overall recovery. Even when I think I’m taking it slowly, and carefuly, I still end up in this ridiculous cycle.
Once I took a day off, I think I forgot what "normal" discomfort was supposed to be like. What is the norm acceptable that must be tolerated. Last year I spent so much time teling myself everything was "normal" when who knows if I was increasing the damage. I know some burning is normal with exercise. I thought it's usually when or shortly after exercise. When it crops up 12+ hours later, I don't know if it's normal or wrong. Sometimes it almost feels like it stings. It's probably fine, but that's what I thought all last year. I give up. I realize I'm not dying if I'm sore, achy and semi-painful all the time. Ha, that was the first few weeks of PT anyway, right? But I don't feel comfortable pushing it too much on my own. Yes, I'm a wimp, but I'm the one who has to live with the worry or possible consequences. Even if it means 14+ months of recovery. :(
The physical therapist said it would be fine to take time off, so in theory I had permission. Still not happy with the company. I'm allowed to get a copy of my medical records, and they absolutely refused. That doesn't sound fishy at all. Like they need more time to edit things to match what they billed. Unless I have documented time-stamped proof audio or video records, they'll get away with charging whatever they want. Irritating. Those with the most money or power always get their way.
Broke the theraband they gave me to use. Had been contemplating a set of bands to do real exercises with. Theraband is one of the top brands. If it only lasted 3 months, maybe that's not such a great idea. I don't want to have to buy a new set that often. Besides, I'm not doing much that is worthy of a good set of bands, am I? Funny thing: my operative side is still weaker, but feels and looks more muscle-y.
