Who's Ready for Shoulder Surgery

Interesting how helpful it is to keep digital records. In addition to the blog, I journal both on a computer and on paper. I like physical paper writing, but the Ctrl-F function is priceless. I did a search for the world “shoulder” and the first mention I found was March 28, 2024. Whined a lot more about it in my personal journal than on-line. I can’t recall exactly what exercises I did, but I have some suspicions. We got a new mattress around the same time though, and I attempted to rationalize away that maybe I slept on my side wrong or was acclimatizing to the new mattress. I did the exact same exercises on each arm, so it didn’t make sense to me that only one hurt. I should have gone to a doc sooner, but I doubt it would’ve helped. My knee was so much worse, that was my main concern at the time. Since I couldn’t pin-point an exact injury or event, they probably still would have dismissed it as mild inflammation. Based on how much my knee was down-played, as my shoulder got worse, I thought, well, they probably won’t do anything about that either, so why bother?

Anyway, shoulder specialist confirmed my rotator cuff is badly torn, one part “hanging on by a thread” and my bicep is also torn and in need of repair. My theory is that I tore it a little at first, and then gradually tore it more and more as I continued to exercise the rest of the year. Yes it kept hurting, but whenever I did ask, they said do exercises and it’ll be fine. Throw more nsaids at it, and it’ll be fine. Maybe I need to get my pcp to prescribe high-dose prescription nsaids every couple of months, and that’s fine too. Nope, it was not fine. I could have said sure, it was from an injury, but I wouldn’t have know what to tell them I did that caused it. in hindsight maybe I could’ve said I did so many different exercises that day, I wasn’t sure which one it was. I’m not a good creative liar, I guess. Or didn’t think I could pull one over on this. But in hindsight, maybe that would’ve been interesting to try. Oh well.

This surgery is scheduled for March 27. Here’s the sucky part. I won’t be able to do anything with that arm (or hand, probably) for 6 weeks, which includes typing or writing. Even now, typing hurts, and they said if it irritates things, I might need to lay off typing for 12 weeks initially to prevent a slower overall recovery. I could try hunt and peck with my non-dominant hand, but that would probably drive me nuts (compared to easily typing 50+ wpm). I have a talk-to-text app on the phone, but it doesn’t do punctuation, so that still seems tedious to add (when I do use it). I will need physical therapy rehab for at least 6 months. Whoa. Already this seems so much worse than last year’s, even though that was classified as “major” surgery and made some top lists for how painful it is. That sounds like a cake-walk compared to this. 6-12 weeks being one-handed and half a year of rehab. Plus my insurance isn’t as good this year, so it’s likely going to be more costly.

In the meantime, they gave me some stretches for range of motion I can practice now to get in the best shape possible before the knife hits. (kidding. I am not a fan of any surgery and joke about being sliced open, even if it’s minimally invasive).

My knee physical therapist said with this development, he’d release me from weekly visits if I promised to keep up the exercises as much as possible. This way we save as many visits as possible, given that insurance has maximum visits they will cover. I won’t be able to continue some of the knee-related exercises after the surgery, as they involve laying on my bad arm. At least I have a good PT to work with, as they said I could ask for them again for my shoulder rehab. It’s gonna be a long year.

On a bright note we finally have central heat again after a month. It sounds like high pressure air being pumped into a bouncy-house, after the relatively quiet space heater.

Anger & Fear Lead to the Dark Side

I should apologize for all my negativity lately. I yelled at the rental management agency here instead of real life in order to blow off steam. I realize directing open hatred towards them in real life wouldn’t accomplish anything.

A chunk of the rest, I think, has been driven by fear. I feel like I must be so delicate lately, is any or everything going to permanently damage me? Even if we get my shoulder fixed, that’s still going to be a lingering question. Previous PT experience for my feet; I felt like they were always saying buck up, doesn’t matter that things hurt. I figured I’m getting older, maybe I am more sensitive to pain and my body isn’t as tough as it used to be, but I needed to push through it. Now it seems pushing has torn up my knee and my shoulder. Not even doing strenuous exercises. What the heck. I used to mentally roll my eyes at health care providers who said I could strength exercises without weights because even one pound is very heavy. Whatever. I figured they must get a lot of patients that are elderly and about to break. I didn’t think I had already become one of those people.

I realize I’m thinking a few steps ahead, but how the heck do I know what pain is good or bad anymore? Exercises after surgery always hurt, and I’m sure it’s normal. Not everything is going to be sunshine and daisies. But it frightens me that my body seem so feeble that stretching can snap tendons or ligaments completely through. I thought I had built up gradually enough – took over a year to work up to 10 pounds, and even then, barely felt comfortable moving up from 8 pound weights. Meanwhile I read or get advice that I’m still going too slowly, or I need to do more, faster, harder . . . I guess I have hard evidence now to tell such people to back off. Right now my shoulder is in pain even when resting. That scares me. It hurts more with the slightest expenditure of effort, such as typing or picking up a pen. The rate that it’s gone downhill in the last month scares me. If you wonder why I don’t slap more pain meds/patches/creams on it, sometimes I’m afraid covering up the pain will only allow me to accidentally injure it more quickly, because I don’t feel how much it’s hurting. So I wait until evening to throw pain meds on it so I can sleep. Otherwise when I take things throughout the day, and it still hurts so much, I can’t take more. Not being able to do anything but wait doesn’t help my anxiety. The whole thing is a crappy situation.

I'm praticing using my opposite hand and arm more. Used a knife and didn't cut myself. Not ready to write or mouse with my opposite hand yet.

Trying to eat healhy but I'm hungry a lot, despite getting more protein.

Still waiting for MRI shoulder followup

Started practicing using my non-dominant hand, in case I do need surgery. Not much else I can do while I wait to find the prognosis. It’s interesting how many things become awkward. I can eat, brush my teeth ok. Opening a door that seems designed to open with the opposite hand is weird. Door opening is the type of thing one can usually navigate either way. But if you only had one hand to use . . . I usually give up and use the arm that makes sense with the way the door is angled, because it doesn’t seem worth the trouble.

Went out of town for holiday and my exercises went out the window. I did them at first, but my hip got so tight . . . . I tried to do the stretches alone 2-3 times a day and couldn’t loosen things up. it was painful enough I thought, I’m on vacation, I’m supposed to be having a good time, to heck with this. The other challenge is that the stretch involves using my bad arm/shoulder. My knee is already torn completely through. It might not make a huge difference if I delay PT exercises. There might still be hope for my shoulder. After my trip I started up knee exercises again slowly, but I’m not going to over-do it. Would rather wait a bit to meet with the shoulder expert. Then they might be able to confirm exactly what movements will or will not create more damage. Almost all of the exercised I’d been given previously hurt, but they always say yeah, it’s still good for you. Now that we have more detailed MRI imaging, and multiple tears, I’d like to confirm what’s ok.