Interesting how helpful it is to keep digital records. In addition to the blog, I journal both on a computer and on paper. I like physical paper writing, but the Ctrl-F function is priceless. I did a search for the world “shoulder” and the first mention I found was March 28, 2024. Whined a lot more about it in my personal journal than on-line. I can’t recall exactly what exercises I did, but I have some suspicions. We got a new mattress around the same time though, and I attempted to rationalize away that maybe I slept on my side wrong or was acclimatizing to the new mattress. I did the exact same exercises on each arm, so it didn’t make sense to me that only one hurt. I should have gone to a doc sooner, but I doubt it would’ve helped. My knee was so much worse, that was my main concern at the time. Since I couldn’t pin-point an exact injury or event, they probably still would have dismissed it as mild inflammation. Based on how much my knee was down-played, as my shoulder got worse, I thought, well, they probably won’t do anything about that either, so why bother?
Anyway, shoulder specialist confirmed my rotator cuff is badly torn, one part “hanging on by a thread” and my bicep is also torn and in need of repair. My theory is that I tore it a little at first, and then gradually tore it more and more as I continued to exercise the rest of the year. Yes it kept hurting, but whenever I did ask, they said do exercises and it’ll be fine. Throw more nsaids at it, and it’ll be fine. Maybe I need to get my pcp to prescribe high-dose prescription nsaids every couple of months, and that’s fine too. Nope, it was not fine. I could have said sure, it was from an injury, but I wouldn’t have know what to tell them I did that caused it. in hindsight maybe I could’ve said I did so many different exercises that day, I wasn’t sure which one it was. I’m not a good creative liar, I guess. Or didn’t think I could pull one over on this. But in hindsight, maybe that would’ve been interesting to try. Oh well.
This surgery is scheduled for March 27. Here’s the sucky part. I won’t be able to do anything with that arm (or hand, probably) for 6 weeks, which includes typing or writing. Even now, typing hurts, and they said if it irritates things, I might need to lay off typing for 12 weeks initially to prevent a slower overall recovery. I could try hunt and peck with my non-dominant hand, but that would probably drive me nuts (compared to easily typing 50+ wpm). I have a talk-to-text app on the phone, but it doesn’t do punctuation, so that still seems tedious to add (when I do use it). I will need physical therapy rehab for at least 6 months. Whoa. Already this seems so much worse than last year’s, even though that was classified as “major” surgery and made some top lists for how painful it is. That sounds like a cake-walk compared to this. 6-12 weeks being one-handed and half a year of rehab. Plus my insurance isn’t as good this year, so it’s likely going to be more costly.
In the meantime, they gave me some stretches for range of motion I can practice now to get in the best shape possible before the knife hits. (kidding. I am not a fan of any surgery and joke about being sliced open, even if it’s minimally invasive).
My knee physical therapist said with this development, he’d release me from weekly visits if I promised to keep up the exercises as much as possible. This way we save as many visits as possible, given that insurance has maximum visits they will cover. I won’t be able to continue some of the knee-related exercises after the surgery, as they involve laying on my bad arm. At least I have a good PT to work with, as they said I could ask for them again for my shoulder rehab. It’s gonna be a long year.
On a bright note we finally have central heat again after a month. It sounds like high pressure air being pumped into a bouncy-house, after the relatively quiet space heater.
Wednesday, February 19, 2025
Saturday, February 15, 2025
Anger & Fear Lead to the Dark Side
I should apologize for all my negativity lately. I yelled at the rental management agency here instead of real life in order to blow off steam. I realize directing open hatred towards them in real life wouldn’t accomplish anything.
A chunk of the rest, I think, has been driven by fear. I feel like I must be so delicate lately, is any or everything going to permanently damage me? Even if we get my shoulder fixed, that’s still going to be a lingering question. Previous PT experience for my feet; I felt like they were always saying buck up, doesn’t matter that things hurt. I figured I’m getting older, maybe I am more sensitive to pain and my body isn’t as tough as it used to be, but I needed to push through it. Now it seems pushing has torn up my knee and my shoulder. Not even doing strenuous exercises. What the heck. I used to mentally roll my eyes at health care providers who said I could strength exercises without weights because even one pound is very heavy. Whatever. I figured they must get a lot of patients that are elderly and about to break. I didn’t think I had already become one of those people.
I realize I’m thinking a few steps ahead, but how the heck do I know what pain is good or bad anymore? Exercises after surgery always hurt, and I’m sure it’s normal. Not everything is going to be sunshine and daisies. But it frightens me that my body seem so feeble that stretching can snap tendons or ligaments completely through. I thought I had built up gradually enough – took over a year to work up to 10 pounds, and even then, barely felt comfortable moving up from 8 pound weights. Meanwhile I read or get advice that I’m still going too slowly, or I need to do more, faster, harder . . . I guess I have hard evidence now to tell such people to back off. Right now my shoulder is in pain even when resting. That scares me. It hurts more with the slightest expenditure of effort, such as typing or picking up a pen. The rate that it’s gone downhill in the last month scares me. If you wonder why I don’t slap more pain meds/patches/creams on it, sometimes I’m afraid covering up the pain will only allow me to accidentally injure it more quickly, because I don’t feel how much it’s hurting. So I wait until evening to throw pain meds on it so I can sleep. Otherwise when I take things throughout the day, and it still hurts so much, I can’t take more. Not being able to do anything but wait doesn’t help my anxiety. The whole thing is a crappy situation.
I'm praticing using my opposite hand and arm more. Used a knife and didn't cut myself. Not ready to write or mouse with my opposite hand yet.
Trying to eat healhy but I'm hungry a lot, despite getting more protein.
A chunk of the rest, I think, has been driven by fear. I feel like I must be so delicate lately, is any or everything going to permanently damage me? Even if we get my shoulder fixed, that’s still going to be a lingering question. Previous PT experience for my feet; I felt like they were always saying buck up, doesn’t matter that things hurt. I figured I’m getting older, maybe I am more sensitive to pain and my body isn’t as tough as it used to be, but I needed to push through it. Now it seems pushing has torn up my knee and my shoulder. Not even doing strenuous exercises. What the heck. I used to mentally roll my eyes at health care providers who said I could strength exercises without weights because even one pound is very heavy. Whatever. I figured they must get a lot of patients that are elderly and about to break. I didn’t think I had already become one of those people.
I realize I’m thinking a few steps ahead, but how the heck do I know what pain is good or bad anymore? Exercises after surgery always hurt, and I’m sure it’s normal. Not everything is going to be sunshine and daisies. But it frightens me that my body seem so feeble that stretching can snap tendons or ligaments completely through. I thought I had built up gradually enough – took over a year to work up to 10 pounds, and even then, barely felt comfortable moving up from 8 pound weights. Meanwhile I read or get advice that I’m still going too slowly, or I need to do more, faster, harder . . . I guess I have hard evidence now to tell such people to back off. Right now my shoulder is in pain even when resting. That scares me. It hurts more with the slightest expenditure of effort, such as typing or picking up a pen. The rate that it’s gone downhill in the last month scares me. If you wonder why I don’t slap more pain meds/patches/creams on it, sometimes I’m afraid covering up the pain will only allow me to accidentally injure it more quickly, because I don’t feel how much it’s hurting. So I wait until evening to throw pain meds on it so I can sleep. Otherwise when I take things throughout the day, and it still hurts so much, I can’t take more. Not being able to do anything but wait doesn’t help my anxiety. The whole thing is a crappy situation.
I'm praticing using my opposite hand and arm more. Used a knife and didn't cut myself. Not ready to write or mouse with my opposite hand yet.
Trying to eat healhy but I'm hungry a lot, despite getting more protein.
Tuesday, February 11, 2025
Still waiting for MRI shoulder followup
Started practicing using my non-dominant hand, in case I do need surgery. Not much else I can do while I wait to find the prognosis. It’s interesting how many things become awkward. I can eat, brush my teeth ok. Opening a door that seems designed to open with the opposite hand is weird. Door opening is the type of thing one can usually navigate either way. But if you only had one hand to use . . . I usually give up and use the arm that makes sense with the way the door is angled, because it doesn’t seem worth the trouble.
Went out of town for holiday and my exercises went out the window. I did them at first, but my hip got so tight . . . . I tried to do the stretches alone 2-3 times a day and couldn’t loosen things up. it was painful enough I thought, I’m on vacation, I’m supposed to be having a good time, to heck with this. The other challenge is that the stretch involves using my bad arm/shoulder. My knee is already torn completely through. It might not make a huge difference if I delay PT exercises. There might still be hope for my shoulder. After my trip I started up knee exercises again slowly, but I’m not going to over-do it. Would rather wait a bit to meet with the shoulder expert. Then they might be able to confirm exactly what movements will or will not create more damage. Almost all of the exercised I’d been given previously hurt, but they always say yeah, it’s still good for you. Now that we have more detailed MRI imaging, and multiple tears, I’d like to confirm what’s ok.
Went out of town for holiday and my exercises went out the window. I did them at first, but my hip got so tight . . . . I tried to do the stretches alone 2-3 times a day and couldn’t loosen things up. it was painful enough I thought, I’m on vacation, I’m supposed to be having a good time, to heck with this. The other challenge is that the stretch involves using my bad arm/shoulder. My knee is already torn completely through. It might not make a huge difference if I delay PT exercises. There might still be hope for my shoulder. After my trip I started up knee exercises again slowly, but I’m not going to over-do it. Would rather wait a bit to meet with the shoulder expert. Then they might be able to confirm exactly what movements will or will not create more damage. Almost all of the exercised I’d been given previously hurt, but they always say yeah, it’s still good for you. Now that we have more detailed MRI imaging, and multiple tears, I’d like to confirm what’s ok.
Tuesday, January 28, 2025
Defeated
Feeling more defeated today. I did get some holy basil, and with a couple of warmer days, my chest felt significantly better. Then it got cold again. Today I can hardly talk without coughing and choking. Looking into heat lights for the bathroom since that’s the coldest room right now. Yes, one can steam things up several minutes to warm things up, but why? My spouse loves hot steamy showers anyway, so a heated light might be a good permanent addition.
Only doing a minimum non-heart-raising exercises which is stupid. I might as well put future appointments on hold, since I'm not going to make as much progress as I would if I could breathe normally. Heavy duty prescription and professional strenth bio-freeze numbs it enough to get to sleep at night. But as I may have mentioned, seems pretty redic to have to go to such an extent, or to have to put things on hold until we get indoor temperature control. Maybe I can resume PT in March or April, for the brief window before it gets too hot (which is May). There's no way I can deal with 100+ temperatures where it "cools" down to 85-90 at 2am. I've got doctor appointments by then. I'll have to ask for a note. (And maybe look for a cheap lawyer.)
Work is unpleasant. All around, just irritating environment.
Only doing a minimum non-heart-raising exercises which is stupid. I might as well put future appointments on hold, since I'm not going to make as much progress as I would if I could breathe normally. Heavy duty prescription and professional strenth bio-freeze numbs it enough to get to sleep at night. But as I may have mentioned, seems pretty redic to have to go to such an extent, or to have to put things on hold until we get indoor temperature control. Maybe I can resume PT in March or April, for the brief window before it gets too hot (which is May). There's no way I can deal with 100+ temperatures where it "cools" down to 85-90 at 2am. I've got doctor appointments by then. I'll have to ask for a note. (And maybe look for a cheap lawyer.)
Work is unpleasant. All around, just irritating environment.
Friday, January 24, 2025
P is for Pleurisy
Still in a world of hurt. Here’s what I’ve tried so far.
• Meloxicam 15mg – supposedly one of the stronger prescription NSAIDs one can get.
• Heating pad.
• Warm water vapor
• Drinking warm liquids
• Salonpas
• Supplements: ginger, turmeric, garlic, and vitamin C.
The fact that salonpas on top of a prescription anti-inflammatory isn't kicking it has me concerned. Have I become immune to nsaid power? It didn’t help much for my shoulder, but the fact that it’s partially torn could have something to do with that. I could try pro strength biofreeze. Wonder if the strong smell would be too bothersome. After all, coughing makes it worse. Guess it’s worth a shot?
Only other thing I can think of is digging out those old cloth masks from COVID. Breathing in cold air is what kills me. In cold winters, I’d always try to put a scarf over my face. Most of us know how warm air feels with those masks, right? Where the heck did I put those . . . Looking online there are a few other herbs that may or may not help. Evaluating possibilities for overnight Amazon shipment. But when additional searches say said items may or may not be harmful for ingestion . . .
One could question if I have a cold. Sure. No other symptoms though, and this came on exactly when the heat went out. I’ve had bouts of this in the past, so it feels suspiciously familiar, and the causality of cold air is know and logical. Sure, could be wrong.
The real question is, should I keep doing my blasted PT exercises or not? The biggest thing I see online for pleurisy is rest, rest, rest, and remove the trigger. Can’t remove the trigger yet. Tried doing only a few reps of the exercises slowly, then stopping. But this could require a dozen or more mini-exercise sessions, and if it’s aggravating things . . . Do I cancel my PT appointments until we get his in remission? Eeesh.
As nice as it is that I happened to have meloxicam on-hand, I still think one shouldn't have to go to such extremes because of sub-par living conditions. We can buy another space heater, humidifier, and so on, but should we have to because the owner is too cheap to fix things?
• Meloxicam 15mg – supposedly one of the stronger prescription NSAIDs one can get.
• Heating pad.
• Warm water vapor
• Drinking warm liquids
• Salonpas
• Supplements: ginger, turmeric, garlic, and vitamin C.
The fact that salonpas on top of a prescription anti-inflammatory isn't kicking it has me concerned. Have I become immune to nsaid power? It didn’t help much for my shoulder, but the fact that it’s partially torn could have something to do with that. I could try pro strength biofreeze. Wonder if the strong smell would be too bothersome. After all, coughing makes it worse. Guess it’s worth a shot?
Only other thing I can think of is digging out those old cloth masks from COVID. Breathing in cold air is what kills me. In cold winters, I’d always try to put a scarf over my face. Most of us know how warm air feels with those masks, right? Where the heck did I put those . . . Looking online there are a few other herbs that may or may not help. Evaluating possibilities for overnight Amazon shipment. But when additional searches say said items may or may not be harmful for ingestion . . .
One could question if I have a cold. Sure. No other symptoms though, and this came on exactly when the heat went out. I’ve had bouts of this in the past, so it feels suspiciously familiar, and the causality of cold air is know and logical. Sure, could be wrong.
The real question is, should I keep doing my blasted PT exercises or not? The biggest thing I see online for pleurisy is rest, rest, rest, and remove the trigger. Can’t remove the trigger yet. Tried doing only a few reps of the exercises slowly, then stopping. But this could require a dozen or more mini-exercise sessions, and if it’s aggravating things . . . Do I cancel my PT appointments until we get his in remission? Eeesh.
As nice as it is that I happened to have meloxicam on-hand, I still think one shouldn't have to go to such extremes because of sub-par living conditions. We can buy another space heater, humidifier, and so on, but should we have to because the owner is too cheap to fix things?
Thursday, January 23, 2025
Rental Management A$$holes
Apologies, but I gotta vent. Don't read if you want to avoid negativity. I won't be offended.
Remember the crappy apartment management that we have? They refuse to fix the heat per the owner doesn’t feel like it. Technically they are “willing” to fix it, but not by paying someone who has the ability to fix it. The first place that came out said they could fix it within an hour. Apparently they didn’t like the price, because they started getting “second opinions.” They are trying to save a few bucks going with a different repair place that is having trouble obtaining the necessary parts for two weeks. They left us with a couple tiny space heaters, but as cold as it’s been, it’s making it painful to breathe. Sure, a normal person might not have any issues, but with my chronic inflammation, my chest basically feels like someone went to town on it with a metal meat tenderizer. It’s one thing when you think it’s only going to be a couple of days. But 2+ weeks is redic when it's well below freezing outside. It takes a few days for my condition to recover (pleurisy) so it’s constantly miserable – not merely the hours I’m at home. It doesn’t instantly improve if I go somewhere else warm. It’s getting increasingly difficult doing my physical therapy exercises when it fracking hurts to breathe. The exercises they’ve been having me do get my heart rate up to 160, easily 40-60 minutes so it’s not super easy slow breathing stuff.
This isn’t the first time they’ve dragged their feet fixing stuff. A few years ago when the air conditioning went out, I had to get a doctor’s note before the would fix it. It was 100+ and they were like eh, no big. My fur-kid had heat-stroke and the vet shrugged because although they could treat it temporarily, it wouldn’t really help since they’d have to go right back into the heat. I happened to have a doctor appointment during the time, so I asked. Inflammation doesn’t do well with heat, so it was a legit note. But it’s stupid you’d have to go that far to get anything done.
It’s not like I can take out my unpleasant feelings by hitting a punching bag, so I chose to vent here. Abosolute bleeping a$$holes. On top of that, they gave us a lease violation today for putting up a non-holliday plain decorative wreath on the door. It's just leaves. Helps Amazon delivery find us. But no let's be even more ludicrous. No heat, no decorations. Good grief.
Remember the crappy apartment management that we have? They refuse to fix the heat per the owner doesn’t feel like it. Technically they are “willing” to fix it, but not by paying someone who has the ability to fix it. The first place that came out said they could fix it within an hour. Apparently they didn’t like the price, because they started getting “second opinions.” They are trying to save a few bucks going with a different repair place that is having trouble obtaining the necessary parts for two weeks. They left us with a couple tiny space heaters, but as cold as it’s been, it’s making it painful to breathe. Sure, a normal person might not have any issues, but with my chronic inflammation, my chest basically feels like someone went to town on it with a metal meat tenderizer. It’s one thing when you think it’s only going to be a couple of days. But 2+ weeks is redic when it's well below freezing outside. It takes a few days for my condition to recover (pleurisy) so it’s constantly miserable – not merely the hours I’m at home. It doesn’t instantly improve if I go somewhere else warm. It’s getting increasingly difficult doing my physical therapy exercises when it fracking hurts to breathe. The exercises they’ve been having me do get my heart rate up to 160, easily 40-60 minutes so it’s not super easy slow breathing stuff.
This isn’t the first time they’ve dragged their feet fixing stuff. A few years ago when the air conditioning went out, I had to get a doctor’s note before the would fix it. It was 100+ and they were like eh, no big. My fur-kid had heat-stroke and the vet shrugged because although they could treat it temporarily, it wouldn’t really help since they’d have to go right back into the heat. I happened to have a doctor appointment during the time, so I asked. Inflammation doesn’t do well with heat, so it was a legit note. But it’s stupid you’d have to go that far to get anything done.
It’s not like I can take out my unpleasant feelings by hitting a punching bag, so I chose to vent here. Abosolute bleeping a$$holes. On top of that, they gave us a lease violation today for putting up a non-holliday plain decorative wreath on the door. It's just leaves. Helps Amazon delivery find us. But no let's be even more ludicrous. No heat, no decorations. Good grief.
Monday, January 20, 2025
MRI follow-up: Unpleasant waiting game
Cortisone shot helped a bit for 2 weeks, then went back to hurting almost as much as it was before. Had a crappy MRI experience. Suffice it to say I found out how severely claustrophobic I am, and how rude MRI techs are. They covered my one arm and told me the other might get burned by the MRI machine. I wasn’t in a good head-space to posses the logic to ask why they couldn’t simply cover my other arm. Luckily I didn’t get burned, but that didn’t help stress levels, when you’re told not to move, but to try to curl up like a pill bug to not touch the sides. It’s not like one can just down some alcohol beforehand and melt into it and take a nap.
Anyway, I get to wait more than a month for an appointment to tell me if there’s even sufficient information collected. I aske for the report, but since I’m not a clinician, I can’t decipher it very well. It noted there was too much movement. Gee, shaking and hyperventilating does that. Or hey, what I can do to prevent further damage in the meantime. I could glean enough to figure out there are multiple tears. I’ve stopped doing the exercises previously given, but I’m wary of even a normal morning stretch now.
It sounds like the problem is that unless I cite a specific injury and date, they think nothing can possibly be wrong. I tore the knee, and now my shoulder gradually. They act as if that’s not possible. Ok, fine, I guess I tore something last April? Judging by the increased amount of pain, it still seems like something’s progressed a lot since then.
Reading the report, a few terms stood out that don’t sound promising. Rotator cuff: high-grade tear…involving approximately 75% of the breadth of the tendon at the critical zone… yeah, that’s about all I got. Mild tendinopathy and bursitis. Why not. More fun to add to the mix.
Searches on the web repeatedly call it rotator cuff “disease” so there’s that fun word again. What else can I do besides waiting for my muscles to atrophy while I avoid doing anything, and being paranoid about every tiny twinge. It's going to be a long few weeks.
Anyway, I get to wait more than a month for an appointment to tell me if there’s even sufficient information collected. I aske for the report, but since I’m not a clinician, I can’t decipher it very well. It noted there was too much movement. Gee, shaking and hyperventilating does that. Or hey, what I can do to prevent further damage in the meantime. I could glean enough to figure out there are multiple tears. I’ve stopped doing the exercises previously given, but I’m wary of even a normal morning stretch now.
It sounds like the problem is that unless I cite a specific injury and date, they think nothing can possibly be wrong. I tore the knee, and now my shoulder gradually. They act as if that’s not possible. Ok, fine, I guess I tore something last April? Judging by the increased amount of pain, it still seems like something’s progressed a lot since then.
Reading the report, a few terms stood out that don’t sound promising. Rotator cuff: high-grade tear…involving approximately 75% of the breadth of the tendon at the critical zone… yeah, that’s about all I got. Mild tendinopathy and bursitis. Why not. More fun to add to the mix.
Searches on the web repeatedly call it rotator cuff “disease” so there’s that fun word again. What else can I do besides waiting for my muscles to atrophy while I avoid doing anything, and being paranoid about every tiny twinge. It's going to be a long few weeks.
Tuesday, January 7, 2025
Knee PT Dragging on
When I said PT was going well, maybe that wasn’t completely accurate. The guy is nice and encouraging, but the exercises are still hard, and it doesn’t feel like I’m getting any better at them. He said it takes at least 6 weeks to build muscle. January 6 would have been one month, so phooey, that’s still 2 more weeks. I’m certainly getting my heart-rate up and exercising, though. Strength cardio, right?
Still, it gets some of my muscles so tight I stretch and stretch and it still hurts. By the time I barely get things loosened up, it’s time to exercise and get tight again. Sometimes it’s time to exercise before I can get all the knots worked out. Since it doesn’t feel like I’m making much progress, the word “futile” comes to mind a lot. Every other day I'll chuck the exercise band when I'm done with it, I'm so fed up with it. Then I can't recall where I tossed it, when I need it the next day.
Finally got permission to get an MRI on my shoulder now, since it’s been bothering me since last April and it’s getting worse. I almost begged PT guy to suggest some exercises. He gave me a couple and the stretch alone caused more pain afterwards, so I stopped.
Still, it gets some of my muscles so tight I stretch and stretch and it still hurts. By the time I barely get things loosened up, it’s time to exercise and get tight again. Sometimes it’s time to exercise before I can get all the knots worked out. Since it doesn’t feel like I’m making much progress, the word “futile” comes to mind a lot. Every other day I'll chuck the exercise band when I'm done with it, I'm so fed up with it. Then I can't recall where I tossed it, when I need it the next day.
Finally got permission to get an MRI on my shoulder now, since it’s been bothering me since last April and it’s getting worse. I almost begged PT guy to suggest some exercises. He gave me a couple and the stretch alone caused more pain afterwards, so I stopped.
Wednesday, January 1, 2025
New Years, Physical Therapy & Cortisone
New Year’s is as good a time as any for reflection, right?
Physical Therapy for the knee is going well. Exercises are piling up more and more. Might be a fun time to get the new scale I’ve been eyeing for a few months. See if I’m trading out more muscle for fat even if I’m not losing weight.
Looking at investing in a couple of pieces of exercise equipment so I can more easily do PT at home and keep it going long after appointments end. If nothing else, it’ll be a decent source of exercise. Maybe there will be NY sales on some exercise equipment, huh?
The shoulder got so much worse this last month, I haven’t done as much of those exercises. Trying to get approval from insurance to do an MRI to verify what’s going on in there. Might do PT for the shoulder eventually, but I’m not sure what movements or exercises might cause damage. It was only dull pain off and on last spring; now it’s sharp cutting pain that doesn’t subside when not in use.
Got my first cortisone shot in the shoulder yesterday. Funny, the tidbits that I’m learning. They seem to recommend those steroid injections for joints all the time, (especially knees) to get the joint to last longer. But upon reading, there are indications that multiple injections can actually cause more joint damage. What the? If you ”fail” to improve with steroids, some insurances will allow you to try Synvisc. Friend of mine said her care nurse said Synvisc can delay or prevent damage to the joint better. Darn it that insurance makes you try the damaging stuff first, huh? Likely because it’s cheaper. Sure, get lots of injections to delay the costly surgeries, hoping you’ll hop to a different insurance plan by the time you need to have the joint replaced. But why allow something priced in-between if it could delay and prevent damage if it’s not the cheapest option. Idk; I haven’t researched Synvisc much since it’s not an option yet.
Physical Therapy for the knee is going well. Exercises are piling up more and more. Might be a fun time to get the new scale I’ve been eyeing for a few months. See if I’m trading out more muscle for fat even if I’m not losing weight.
Looking at investing in a couple of pieces of exercise equipment so I can more easily do PT at home and keep it going long after appointments end. If nothing else, it’ll be a decent source of exercise. Maybe there will be NY sales on some exercise equipment, huh?
The shoulder got so much worse this last month, I haven’t done as much of those exercises. Trying to get approval from insurance to do an MRI to verify what’s going on in there. Might do PT for the shoulder eventually, but I’m not sure what movements or exercises might cause damage. It was only dull pain off and on last spring; now it’s sharp cutting pain that doesn’t subside when not in use.
Got my first cortisone shot in the shoulder yesterday. Funny, the tidbits that I’m learning. They seem to recommend those steroid injections for joints all the time, (especially knees) to get the joint to last longer. But upon reading, there are indications that multiple injections can actually cause more joint damage. What the? If you ”fail” to improve with steroids, some insurances will allow you to try Synvisc. Friend of mine said her care nurse said Synvisc can delay or prevent damage to the joint better. Darn it that insurance makes you try the damaging stuff first, huh? Likely because it’s cheaper. Sure, get lots of injections to delay the costly surgeries, hoping you’ll hop to a different insurance plan by the time you need to have the joint replaced. But why allow something priced in-between if it could delay and prevent damage if it’s not the cheapest option. Idk; I haven’t researched Synvisc much since it’s not an option yet.
Friday, December 27, 2024
Diseases
Putting myself out there more honest and open than I normally would. Thus the silence. I don’t know what to say or how much I should say.
They say knowing the name of your affliction feels so much better. Uhm, maybe. I would posit that sometimes it doesn’t feel so encouraging to be told you have an incurable degenerative “disease.” I think it’s mainly the “disease” word that gets me. Maybe “condition” would sound less sinister? See, you have a couple of symptoms (and by “you” I almost always mean “me”), and even though it’s not a big deal, you go ahead and meet with a specialist to see what’s going on. When people tell me I have a symptom, like dry mouth, I’d shrug if off thinking “being hydrated is good for me. If you think my mouth is dry, it sounds like that is more of concern to you than it is to me. Whatever.” You know? You try to downplay it to be less doomful than it does, because you don’t want to feel like you have this affliction or disease or whatever. It’s not who you are.
(Abrupt topic change here.)
I’ve been on prescription drugs most of my life. Didn’t used to bother me at first. Modern miraculous science, right? Then sometimes a person occasionally feels bummed or resentful, like they’re a weakling if they can’t function without taking pills every single day. One usually gets over it, and trudges on. When the number of prescriptions start stacking up and you hear side effects like permanent vision loss, it’s possible to start wondering how much poison one is pumping into one’s body. At least, it can give one pause, especially knowing that it’s a build up of the drug in your system that causes issues. Every day you take it, one more grain of rice, piece of straw, but you wonder when the scale might tip t where the cost outweighs the benefit. You soldier on, taking the pills that seem to keep symptoms manageable. Then when the symptoms become more noticeable, I was scared to acknowledge them to the docs. What would they say if I admitted symptoms? They’d offer to pile on more pills, of course. Is it that bad that I want to avoid downing more toxins? Hmm, maybe not. They’d ask if I had symptoms in the morning that might last 30 minutes. I think to myself, heck, if you’re asking whether I want more drugs or if I’m willing to get up half an hour earlier to cope, I’ll keep my mouth shut and cope. Maybe this isn’t the right way to act, but can you at least see how my thinking made sense, even in a possibly warped, twisted way?
Then when you finally admit life isn’t as pleasant as you’d like, they pile on more pills. But wait, this pill makes me feel great! Wow, what was I thinking avoiding it? Maybe quality of life does matter. But alas, the prescription is a short-term fix, and while some reap lasting benefits, me, not so much. Let’s try more pills. Sure. Let’s go in or blood work every 3 months or so, to make sure said drugs aren’t destroying my body elsewhere. Have I mentioned I detest needles? So to say that I’m feeling bad enough to meekly submit to needle pricks that frequently says something.
I don’t know. I still don’t like that word “disease” and I dare say it haunts me a bit. Again, life-long condition we can try to cope with, while more wordy, sounds more palatable. But to feel like I’m a “diseased” incurable person still feels more dismal and hopeless. It won’t kill me, but it can easily progress to make life miserable. I start to wonder if it’s getting me down because something in my brain expects it too. Maybe I should have listened more carefully when they said that the prescriptions could slow down the progression of the disease. Maybe had we piled on more drugs sooner, I might be in better shape, as odd as that sounds. I thought the less you think about it, and the more optimistic you can be, mind over matter, right? Maybe my point is, does it do more harm than good telling someone they're diseased all the time so that the expectation gets engrained in their brain?
They say knowing the name of your affliction feels so much better. Uhm, maybe. I would posit that sometimes it doesn’t feel so encouraging to be told you have an incurable degenerative “disease.” I think it’s mainly the “disease” word that gets me. Maybe “condition” would sound less sinister? See, you have a couple of symptoms (and by “you” I almost always mean “me”), and even though it’s not a big deal, you go ahead and meet with a specialist to see what’s going on. When people tell me I have a symptom, like dry mouth, I’d shrug if off thinking “being hydrated is good for me. If you think my mouth is dry, it sounds like that is more of concern to you than it is to me. Whatever.” You know? You try to downplay it to be less doomful than it does, because you don’t want to feel like you have this affliction or disease or whatever. It’s not who you are.
(Abrupt topic change here.)
I’ve been on prescription drugs most of my life. Didn’t used to bother me at first. Modern miraculous science, right? Then sometimes a person occasionally feels bummed or resentful, like they’re a weakling if they can’t function without taking pills every single day. One usually gets over it, and trudges on. When the number of prescriptions start stacking up and you hear side effects like permanent vision loss, it’s possible to start wondering how much poison one is pumping into one’s body. At least, it can give one pause, especially knowing that it’s a build up of the drug in your system that causes issues. Every day you take it, one more grain of rice, piece of straw, but you wonder when the scale might tip t where the cost outweighs the benefit. You soldier on, taking the pills that seem to keep symptoms manageable. Then when the symptoms become more noticeable, I was scared to acknowledge them to the docs. What would they say if I admitted symptoms? They’d offer to pile on more pills, of course. Is it that bad that I want to avoid downing more toxins? Hmm, maybe not. They’d ask if I had symptoms in the morning that might last 30 minutes. I think to myself, heck, if you’re asking whether I want more drugs or if I’m willing to get up half an hour earlier to cope, I’ll keep my mouth shut and cope. Maybe this isn’t the right way to act, but can you at least see how my thinking made sense, even in a possibly warped, twisted way?
Then when you finally admit life isn’t as pleasant as you’d like, they pile on more pills. But wait, this pill makes me feel great! Wow, what was I thinking avoiding it? Maybe quality of life does matter. But alas, the prescription is a short-term fix, and while some reap lasting benefits, me, not so much. Let’s try more pills. Sure. Let’s go in or blood work every 3 months or so, to make sure said drugs aren’t destroying my body elsewhere. Have I mentioned I detest needles? So to say that I’m feeling bad enough to meekly submit to needle pricks that frequently says something.
I don’t know. I still don’t like that word “disease” and I dare say it haunts me a bit. Again, life-long condition we can try to cope with, while more wordy, sounds more palatable. But to feel like I’m a “diseased” incurable person still feels more dismal and hopeless. It won’t kill me, but it can easily progress to make life miserable. I start to wonder if it’s getting me down because something in my brain expects it too. Maybe I should have listened more carefully when they said that the prescriptions could slow down the progression of the disease. Maybe had we piled on more drugs sooner, I might be in better shape, as odd as that sounds. I thought the less you think about it, and the more optimistic you can be, mind over matter, right? Maybe my point is, does it do more harm than good telling someone they're diseased all the time so that the expectation gets engrained in their brain?
Monday, December 16, 2024
Knee Physical Therapy
Going to a different physical therapy place for my knee. Being treated like a grown-up, that it’s ok to do exercises at home. In fact, it is assigned to do them at least once daily in addition to what I do there.. Exercises are kicking my hinie. Wished I would be getting better at them by now, but I’m still huffing and puffing all the time. He also threw in a couple of things for me to try with my shoulder, since I’m still waiting for my PCP to give instruction on what to do next. Probably wants an MRI on that too, but his office refuses to get the paperwork in. Would have been nice to have it before end of the year, as my insurance would have paid for it.
Speaking of which, I seem to have lost the filter between my mild pain and my mouth. Not swearing, but seems like I’m uttering mild moaning and groaning all the time, not suppressing it anymore. Oops. Guess I’m tired and that filter requires effort.
Anyway, the new physical therapist seems nice and is available after I get off work. Just not making progress as fast as I would have hoped, especially since I started a couple strengthening things before I got there. New method of taping my knee this time. Need to buy different tape and practice.
Speaking of which, I seem to have lost the filter between my mild pain and my mouth. Not swearing, but seems like I’m uttering mild moaning and groaning all the time, not suppressing it anymore. Oops. Guess I’m tired and that filter requires effort.
Anyway, the new physical therapist seems nice and is available after I get off work. Just not making progress as fast as I would have hoped, especially since I started a couple strengthening things before I got there. New method of taping my knee this time. Need to buy different tape and practice.
Friday, December 6, 2024
Strength Cardio
Tried strength/toning cardio. Man, that stuff hurts. Is it just me? It hurts worse while doing it than later, when one would think you’d be sore afterwards. If it hurts “that” much while doing it, I fear over-doing it because I don’t know if I can handle if it gets much worse afterwards. (sigh) What to do? I found a play list of Pahla B’s seated workouts, and thought hey, I should go through the whole list so I can see which ones I like. But I’ve already had to to modify or drop the strengthening part on multiple times because I can’t stand how much it hurts. How is that possibly normal? One would think you might get too fatigued; tuckered out, and drop the weights, or switch to smaller ones, during the workout. But is it normal to hurt this much? And the hurt not being because I’m sore from previous exercise?
Saturday, November 16, 2024
Ortho visit
You ever get up and try to convince yourself to have a gung-ho positive attitude against your usual disposition? I tried to think of a good mantra-ish statement like “every day is a new day” and my twisted mind remolded it into: you’re alive whether you want to be or not. Might as well try to make it the least amount of miserable you can. That’s what happens when you’re not a morning person.
The orthopedic appointment wasn’t that bad, all things considered. In short, no surgery can fix anything. Whenever I need surgery, it’ll be a full knee replacement, and we’re not there yet. The tendon is completely separated and there’s no fixing it. It’s completely useless. First option will be go back to PT (pain and torture) and strengthen all the supporting muscles to reduce pain and suffering. Next option if/when it gets super bad is cortisone injections, which usually calm things downhopefully for 6+ months. The more injections you get, the less effective they eventually become. They also offer PRP – platelet rich plasma injections, though insurance doesn’t cover that, so it’d be on my own bill. They believe there’s decent evidence it can promote healing (of whatever is left) and provide relief up to a year.
On a good note, they said there are no activities I need to avoid based on this evidence. Listen to the pain and take it easy and use home remedies as needed (rest, ice, wrap, whatever). I don’t have to be paranoid that doing something I don’t perceive as painful will cause more irreparable damage that I have no idea I’m causing. Hey, maybe I can get in super duper shape and go hiking again. They didn’t say I couldn’t. Several years ago when someone first diagnosed me with arthritis, they said stay away from hiking and inclines. While I wasn’t in great shape then either, that took away a lot of possible motivation. I’m not a runner; never will be. But I could convince myself to hike up the incline and sweat and toil away knowing it builds muscles and endurance for hiking, which I loved. Come on, people, you have to give me incentive of something. The idea: "maybe you won’t be as painful and miserable someday" doesn’t cut it for me. Well, not 10 years ago, anyway. Today might be a different story. That’s how we arrived at the mantra to make one’s existence the least amount of miserable as possible. Wow, how my dreams have changed, huh.
The orthopedic appointment wasn’t that bad, all things considered. In short, no surgery can fix anything. Whenever I need surgery, it’ll be a full knee replacement, and we’re not there yet. The tendon is completely separated and there’s no fixing it. It’s completely useless. First option will be go back to PT (pain and torture) and strengthen all the supporting muscles to reduce pain and suffering. Next option if/when it gets super bad is cortisone injections, which usually calm things downhopefully for 6+ months. The more injections you get, the less effective they eventually become. They also offer PRP – platelet rich plasma injections, though insurance doesn’t cover that, so it’d be on my own bill. They believe there’s decent evidence it can promote healing (of whatever is left) and provide relief up to a year.
On a good note, they said there are no activities I need to avoid based on this evidence. Listen to the pain and take it easy and use home remedies as needed (rest, ice, wrap, whatever). I don’t have to be paranoid that doing something I don’t perceive as painful will cause more irreparable damage that I have no idea I’m causing. Hey, maybe I can get in super duper shape and go hiking again. They didn’t say I couldn’t. Several years ago when someone first diagnosed me with arthritis, they said stay away from hiking and inclines. While I wasn’t in great shape then either, that took away a lot of possible motivation. I’m not a runner; never will be. But I could convince myself to hike up the incline and sweat and toil away knowing it builds muscles and endurance for hiking, which I loved. Come on, people, you have to give me incentive of something. The idea: "maybe you won’t be as painful and miserable someday" doesn’t cut it for me. Well, not 10 years ago, anyway. Today might be a different story. That’s how we arrived at the mantra to make one’s existence the least amount of miserable as possible. Wow, how my dreams have changed, huh.
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