Arggh, more pain

I was going to write how wonderful it was to get encouragement from a fairly fit friend the other day. They did an amazing job cheerleading me on. I felt so-so, and might have otherwise sluffed off my whole 10 minutes of strength training, but they inspired me to keep at it.

Now the only problem is my back hurting so much again. I know exactly what it was from, so I could avoid in the future, but I am still getting so sick of it. Hurting myself so frequenly when I’m trying to be healther. Looked up the youtube videos again, dug out more otc pain relievers and half a muslcle relaxant that didn’t fell like it helped at all. Called my doctor and realized this was the second message I left for them. I called three weeks ago about the initial back pain and never heard back.

It’s been worse than it is today, but I am increasingly frustrated. I don’t feel like I deserve to see a doctor if the primary cause is that I’m overweight. But it’s difficult to exercise and be active if so many things cause an unreasonable amount of pain. I’m supposed to eat better so I don’t feel like crap. Except that I’m low on motivation because I feel like crap. If you lose weight, eat right, and become more active, you feel better.

Except that I feel awful and the pain on top lends to feeling more discouraged. So it must be my fault for being in pain, since I’m overweight, and I don’t really deserve medical attention until I lose a drastic amount. Which makes me feel tense, which makes the pain worse They have medications for that too. Though I wouldn’t need any of them if I was more active and weighed less, so there, it’s still my fault. Arghh. If this doesn't make sense it's because my brain doesn't work as well when I'm in pain (and feeling sorry for myself).